The 11-year-old is heading to Punahou. It's her third school in five years, and she's cool with that.

"I'm not really nervous," she said.

It helps that 13 of her classmates at Hanahau'oli School are joining her for seventh grade and that she's familiar with the campus, thanks to two years of summer school there.

With support from her parents, and the security that comes with having friends and social opportunities, Jasmine is actually looking forward to being at a new school.

"I'm excited," said Jasmine, who has already signed up for voice and chorus classes, "because I think I'll have more opportunities there than at a smaller school."

Like Jasmine, thousands of Hawai'i kids are making the transition from elementary school to middle school this year. They're entering a new world at a time when hormones are revving up and image is everything. Girls stop being so gross and boys aren't from Jupiter anymore.

And their parents are wondering what they can do to help.

It's a tricky balance for a parent. To give independence but not neglect. To indulge but not spoil. To love but to let go.

Yet there are ways parents can ease the inevitable fears and worries.

Experts suggest parents talk to their children on a regular basis, creating an atmosphere of trust and respect. They can encourage them to explore new interests, opening them up to opportunities to grow and learn. And they can let their kids be themselves, allowing them to find their own paths.

"Parents somehow along the way lose their own self-esteem," said Dennis Kajikawa, an educational specialist with the state Department of Education. "They don't know who does what, they don't know what they need to do, what their authority is. They're in a quandary ... and that's common."

CARING COMMUNICATION

The Stiefels believe in open and honest communication. Every night they gather around Jasmine's bed to talk. They go over what they did that day, what they learned, how they would have done things differently.

As a mother, Ako Stiefel is worried about her daughter finding friends and fitting in at a new school.

"I think every parent who is sending their child to a new school is thinking about that," said the 50-year-old homemaker and substitute teacher. "We want them to have a fine education and all that, but they're going through a time now when friends are extremely important to them and who they connect with. We try to talk with her about what's important. ... We try to talk about qualities that we value as a family and whether you should compromise those things for popularity."

The challenge for parents is keeping those lines of communication open. Because as kids get older, they'll start to clam up.

"It's fair to say that the social stuff in middle school can be overwhelming," said Dr. David Paperny, pediatrician and adolescent medicine specialist at Kaiser Permanente. "This is when all the adolescent issues start, they become self-conscious about their bodies, and now they're at a new school. This can be very overwhelming."

Paperny suggests that parents start by asking simple, open-ended questions such as "How was your day?" or "What did you do today in school?" Then let the child answer the question without interruption, without judgement.

Communication is particularly important during these years, when peer pressure advances and kids are desperate to fit in, Paperny said. Kids should feel they can talk to their parents about their worries, fears and concerns without being lectured or judged.

Right now Jasmine feels comfortable talking to her parents about anything, even her problems at school.

"I think it's important to talk to my parents because sometimes I don't know how to handle things," she said. "It's good to have somebody to talk to."

And her parents have faith that as she gets older, she'll still come to them for help, thanks to their daily conversations.

"I believe in my heart that when she gets older she will tell us things she wants us to know," Ako Stiefel said. "If something is troubling her and she wants our opinion, she will come to us."

HELPING KIDS JOIN IN

Bianca Gigante didn't want to leave Haha'ione Elementary — and all her friends — last year to attend Mid-Pacific Institute.

On the morning of her first day of eighth grade at the new school, she was really nervous, butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

"I thought about all the bad things that could happen to me," said the articulate 14-year-old, "like people not liking me."

In her first semester, Bianca, who loves to dance, auditioned for a school play and got the part. She quickly made friends with fellow castmembers. It turned out to be the kind of supportive environment she needed to feel comfortable at the new school.

"Right away she got involved," said her mother, Cherie Gigante, 41, a teacher at Mid-Pac. "And that really helped."

Her younger sister, Gianna, 12, also enrolled at Mid-Pac, joining its soccer team. But she wasn't nearly as nervous as Bianca.

"I was really excited," she said. "I was a little nervous just because it was a big school, but not as much (as Bianca)."

Both sisters have made close friends in their first year at the new school, despite the seemingly daunting leap from public to private schools. Bianca goes to the movies with her new friends; Gianna chats with hers online or goes malling with them.

Their positive experience transitioning into a new school made it easier for their youngest sister, Isabella, to follow. The 9-year-old can't wait to go to Mid-Pac.

The Gigantes credit their daughters' involvement in sports and other activities in helping them learn to adapt, make new friends and gain self-confidence.

"WIth sports, it's a matter of learning to be a team player," said Jose Gigante, 43, Spanish instructor at the University of Hawai'i-Manoa. "It teaches them responsibility and reliability. And that transfers into the school environment."

Being involved in after-school activities and trying new things can build self-esteem and resiliency in middle school-aged youth, Paperny said. Positive self-esteem makes your child feel she can do anything. Resilience makes her feel like she can bounce back when things go wrong. Both are important to foster during these growing years, especially if they're going to new schools.

Jasmine Stiefel's involvement in soccer, volleyball and chorus, helps her make the move from a small school into a large one.

With soccer, she's had to change teams every year. With the Hawai'i Youth Opera Chorus, she's had to perform in front of strangers. That gave her the confidence to try new things.

"Each time she takes on a new challenge, even though she may be nervous about it, she gains confidence," Ako Stiefel said. "That's apparent to us. We are amazed by her courage."

INDEPENDENCE DAY

There comes a time for all parents when they have to let go.

"Inevitably, kids will say they don't want dad or mom around," Paperny said. "It's embarrassing (to them)."

At 11, Caldwell Marchant doesn't mind his mother tagging along with him and his friends to the movies or the carnival. As long as she's discreet about it.

"I mean, it depends on what I'm doing," he said. "If I'm at a birthday party at Ice Palace, I don't want my mom skating next to me, checking if my shoes are tied or my jacket is zipped up."

His mother, Holly, knows it's only a matter of time before Caldwell will want to do things completely on his own. And she's getting ready for that.

"It's going to be hard for me," said the 48-year-old full-time mom. "Even the first day of summer school, I was driving away, looking in my rearview mirror, hoping he's OK."

As their children mature, in the years between age 13 and 18, parents should give their kids progressively more independence, Paperny suggests. They can start by letting their children hang out with their friends without overbearing parental supervision and by encouraging them to solve problems without their help.

Of course, tweens and teens have to realize that with freedom comes responsibility. Doing chores around the house or getting good grades in school can be rewarded with more privileges, Paperny said.

"I tell kids if you want privileges and rights and to be able to do stuff, you have to focus on your parents' concerns about you," Paperny said.

Ako Stiefel is worried about letting her 11-year-old daughter grow up and out of her reach. She lets Jasmine go to the mall with her friends, but she often stays nearby, walking the same mall and remaining connected via cell phone.

But Jasmine is getting older and will want more independence. Now that's she going to a new school, she'll probably make new friends and want to do things with them.

"I worry about it now; I'd be lying if I didn't say that," Ako Stiefel said. "She is asking for more responsibility and slowly she's getting it."

Holly Marchant is not too worried about Caldwell making the transition from Hanahau'oli School to a new middle school next year, mostly because he's social by nature and never has a problem making friends.

It helps that Caldwell has been taking summer classes at different schools to get him familiar with other campuses.

"I was worried that I wouldn't know what the other kids were like," Caldwell said. "But once I got through the day, it was OK."

Marchant said her son isn't the kind of kid who worries about fitting in. At least not yet. He'll wear clothes that don't match — or fit, sometimes — and doesn't beg for things his friends have.

"He's not the type of person who says, 'I have to be accepted, I have to be cool,'" she said. "But who knows what will happen."

ADVICE FOR PARENTS