Human beings are incredibly resilient. In fact most of us are too strong. Life comes at us full force and still we manage to make our way.

The saving grace, in many times of crisis, is the solace we get from bonding with others.

I've experienced this myself. Yes, I have had my share of problems over the years. Most have been mere bumps in the road of life, while others have been quite serious, near-fatal crashes.

When my mother passed away eight years ago, it was a crazy time for the entire family. While the loss was great, the reality was that she was sick for a number of years, and her death was peaceful and pain-free. Still, for my immediate family, there was much more going on. My daughter had two bouts of pneumonia within a 12-month period. Add to this a new job and a move to a new house, and it is not hard to see why this time was so difficult.

We made it through, thanks to friends and family.

Being human is about being vulnerable and recognizing that suffering is part of the human condition. Most of us are likely to break down when the burden is too great or when we are bombarded by numerous problems at once. If the problems are serious and multiple, we may experience a crisis.

I call this moment of crisis the landslide. It can feel like we have no control, that circumstances are picking us up and carrying us off. It can seem so unfair.

Now I know that no one said life would be fair, but we humans have a decided advantage when it comes to life; we do not need to handle it alone.

Forget all that existential junk you were taught in college. If you want to find a common denominator to the well-lived life, it is meaningful connections with those around us. It is family and friends and the person on the bus who gives up his seat for a stranger.

I am not saying that we should use our loved ones as a dumping ground for all of our problems, and I am not saying that we need magic answers to our problems; I am saying that sometimes we need a friendly ear and a shoulder to lean on.

If we are not here for each other, why are we here at all?

Most healing occurs in the telling of our story. When we share our story with those we love, we reclaim parts of ourselves that have been buried in the landslide. It is a slow unearthing that happens one word and often one tear at a time, but it happens nonetheless.

It is important not to confuse healing with curing. No amount of talk was going to bring my mother back, nor would it cure my daughter's pneumonia. But it gave my suffering a place to be, inside of me, right next to the joy and laughter that is as much a part of the human condition as the anguish and anxiety.

Michael DeMattos is on faculty at the University of Hawai'i School of Social Work. He lives in Kane'ohe with his wife, daughter and two dogs.