ittle Aidan's muffled wails poured onto the street fronting the Chun family's Mililani home.

Inside, a visibly flustered Julie Chun — wide-eyed, her hair tousled — comforted her baby, who bumped his forehead on the floor reaching for a stuffed animal. A few kisses and assuring words later, Aidan was back to his smiley self, waddling off to watch his "Boohbah" PBS kiddie show.

Chun, 34, resumed clearing dishes of eggs, waffles and fruits from the breakfast table, at the same time helping her 6-year-old son Quinton mix a pitcher of lemonade.

"You need one quart of water," Chun told Quinton as she began to do a pile of dishes at the sink. "Fill it up to this line." She pointed to a red line on a measuring cup.

A little voice cried out from the living room: "Mom! ... Mom! ... Mom!" Aidan who had lasted five minutes without his mother's undivided attention, made his desires known.

It's all part of a typical morning for Chun; rarely a chance to complete a task on hand without interruption, and never a moment's rest.

"It's organized chaos," Chun said.

Chun is just one of millions of women nationwide caught in this chaos that is otherwise known as stay-at-home parenting. There were an estimated 5.4 million stay-at-home moms nationwide in 2003, reported the U.S. Census Bureau last year, in its first-ever analysis of stay-at-home parents. These moms stayed home with 10.6 million children in 2002, up from 9.3 million in 1994, according to the government agency.

While stay-at-home moms enjoy incomparable rewards — such as knowing their children are being raised by those who love them most and experiencing every stage of their children's lives — the endless job comes with its share of sacrifices.

Mothers cite the insecurity of putting a fulfilling career on hold, feeling out of touch with the world and losing a sense of self as among the most common challenges.

"The biggest issues I see are moms trying to do it all and feeling like there's no other option, that they have to do it all," said Diane Thompson, co-director of the Quality of Life program at Straub Clinic & Hospital.

Stay-at-home mothers should realize they are not alone with their struggles, Thompson said.

"It is so common to feel stressed and overwhelmed, but just because it's common, it doesn't mean it's good," said Thompson, who's also a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Hawai'i. "It's so important to talk to others, and the most helpful group to talk to is other women who are experiencing the same things."

A 24/7 JOB

Denise Cummings-Fisher guiltily admits to having once believed that stay-at-home moms had easy lives. That changed when she became one.

"What an idiot I was," said the Honolulu resident, 36. "I used to think, 'How hard can it be to raise a child?' "

Cummings-Fisher's previous careers have included being an international model, entrepreneur and competitive race walker. But none of those jobs compare to the high demands of being an at-home mommy of a 4-year-old son, she said.

" 'Easy' is race walking the New York City marathon: You decide to do it. You train. You do it. You go home," Cummings-Fisher said. But she applied the lessons of her previous life to successful parenting: "The same attitude and drive I've had for my careers, I've applied to being an at-home mom."

Faye Hamm was 22 years old and had just graduated from college when she became a full-time mom. With active children ages 14 and 12, Hamm knows the grueling schedule of a busy mom.

"The job never ends," said Hamm, 36, of Kaimuki.

Hamm has learned to keep track of the daily, nonstop tasks and errands by getting organized, prioritizing and scheduling.

"I do all the laundry on Monday, so that I don't feel like all I ever do is laundry," she e-mailed. "Each day has a specific cleaning task so it's not all at once and all the time. Even if I don't always do what's on the schedule, I know that it's generally under control, and that feels successful."

Lisa Pawlak of Honolulu is also familiar with the endless chores of a stay-home parent, especially with two little ones, one 4 years and one 17 months old.

"Certain things can be very monotonous," said Pawlak, 33.

Every day, Pawlak prepares three meals and two snacks, gets the children dressed, brushes their teeth, runs around with them outdoors, gives them a bath, puts on their pajamas, reads them books and more. That's not including the house work and outside errands.

"It can be exhausting," Pawlak said. To get by, she puts things in perspective.

"I realize that kids thrive on routine, and while these things can seem tedious at times to me, the kids need the security of knowing what comes next in their day," she said.

Marian Miller, a clinical psychologist, suggests that stay-at-home moms — especially new moms — should remember that their priority is the children. Place focus on the necessary and often time-consuming tasks associated with parenting, rather than obsessing over things like doing the laundry, washing dishes or cleaning the car, she said.

"Let go of the fantasy of what you thought it was going to be like and just be with what it is," Miller said. "Be in the joy for every new stage, because that's the most wonderful thing about being a stay-at-home mom."

CAREER SACRIFICES

Julie Stewart of Royal Kunia recently received an alumni newsletter from her previous employer in Washington, D.C., and learned one of her former coworkers had been promoted to vice president.

Before becoming a stay-home parent, Stewart, 40, was a driven career woman who was in corporate management for a social policy research and consulting firm in D.C. Even though Stewart was happy for her former colleague, she couldn't help but feel a little dig to her own self image — until she gave herself a talking-to.

"I feel like I've got my whole life to work, but I don't have my whole life to be with my daughter," Stewart said. "That's what I tell myself when I start to feel the anxiety of being left behind."

Manoa resident Clare Hanusz, a former attorney who practiced immigration law, tells herself the same thing.

"I feel I won't have regrets in my later years about taking a few years out of my professional life to raise my kids, but I would have regrets about time lost with them when they were small," said Hanusz, 37, mother of two toddlers, ages 3 and 1.

Women who choose child-rearing over career goals often grapple with questions of identity, guilt for not being able to contribute to the family income and even isolation.

After leaving the full-time job she'd held as a graphic designer for nearly 10 years, socializing was one of the job benefits Julie Chun, the Mililani mother of Quinton, 6, and Aidan, 1, had a difficult time doing without.

"I was getting lonely," Chun said. "When you go to the office, you have your friends there, you're joking and you have your lunch breaks. ... Here, you're talking to the kids, and you kind of lose your social skills." Laughing, she related, "Sometimes I'll tell my sister, 'No, no, no, don't do that.' "

Working also gave Chun a reason to dress up — something she misses.

"Making yourself look nice and pretty, and feeling good about how you look ... I really, really enjoyed my job, so it was hard to leave it," she said.

Of course, some approaches to the stay-at-home life can incorporate career lessons, as Robin Moore, 41, of Wai'alae Iki points out.

"I would challenge other women to take on the role of homemaking as a career," said Moore, the mother of four children, ages 13, 11, 9 and 6. "Approach it as you would a job: Get training, feedback, evaluate yourself and give yourself 'raises' for goals reached."

MAINTAINING IDENTITY

There was a time when Day Mau was simply Day Mau.

But no more. These days, Mau is often known as "Kaui's and Simon's mom."

"The most difficult part of being a stay-at-home mom has been what I call, 'loss of self,' " said the Kane'ohe resident and mother of two boys, ages 7 and 2. ... "Even in relationships with others, I have disappeared."

When Mau's dad calls her at home, for example, rather than asking how she's doing, he'll ask: "What did you feed my grandsons tonight?"

Mau knows he isn't trying to be malicious, so she usually responds with humor. She often tells her inquiring father: "Geez, dad, you know I only feed them on Thursdays," or, "We ate cookies and M&Ms, then washed it down with martinis."

Mau's children also cannot imagine her as anything other than "mom," she said.

"They cannot fathom that I had a life before they were born," said Mau, 32.

Tammy Rickman, a Pearl City mother of a 3-year-old and 16-month-old, tells other stay-at-home moms to not lose their own sense of self, and to continue taking care of themselves and doing things they enjoyed before becoming parents.

"Yes, being a mother is important and sometimes takes all the time and energy you think you have, but if you start to neglect yourself in the process, what will you have left to give others?" said Rickman, 34.

Jane Orias agrees.

"Don't lose yourself," said Orias, whose children are 7 and 3. She's also expecting a new baby at the end of the year. "It's so easy to give 210 percent to your family and forget about you."

Orias, 30, recommends moms find a babysitter at least once a week to do something for themselves.

"Go on a date with your husband, hang out with friends or go shopping by yourself," said Orias, of Henderson, Nev., and formerly of Mo'ili'ili. "Don't forget to interact with the outside world. It sounds cliche, but secluding yourself can have dire consequences on your sanity."

Mothers who make time for themselves are also doing a good thing for their children, said Thompson, the psychiatrist.

"The job of women is to be role models ... and if children see us taking care of ourselves, that's such a strong message about self-esteem," Thompson said.

When Mau finds a moment alone, she enjoys baking.

During Chun's "me time," she plays soccer or curls up with a good book. "But it's dangerous because if I find a good book, then dinner might not be on time," she said, laughing.

Cheryl Toma Sanders, mother of three daughters, ages 11, 9 and 6, likes to take early morning runs.

"This is my time, when I can pray and think, enjoy the outdoors, and get set for the day," said Sanders, 41, of Honolulu.

And through all the ups and downs of stay-home parenting, mothers should constantly keep things in perspective, Sanders said.

"The sacrifices that you make in order to stay at home with your children will pale in comparison to the joy of being a part of your children's lives," she said.