Q: Please mediate a dispute between my husband and me. We recently moved from a large, fully furnished house to a much smaller one, also fully furnished. We had a boatload of extra stuff and held a "reverse housewarming" party. I specified no gifts on the invitations, but I put tables up in front of the garage and put everything I couldn't use on them. Now, this was NICE stuff. There was a tongue-in-cheek sign on the tables saying that when guests left, they had to take an object with them.

Our guests thought it was hilarious and pretty much cleaned me out of everything. In fact, I've been at several of their houses and have seen their ill-gotten gains in use.

My husband, unfortunately, is furious with me. He told me this was the tackiest, most crass thing he'd ever seen. I mean, I didn't MAKE anyone take anything. I thought it was funny. Our guests seemed to think so, too, and there were longtime friends there who would not have hesitated to correct me. One friend told me she'd had her eye on my Murano glass vase for years; another friend snagged a set of Edwardian artichoke dishes. (She stashed them under a bed till the party was over.)

Was I crass? Do advise.

— Melinda, Key Largo, Fla.

A: Edwardian artichoke dishes as a party favor? Why weren't we invited?

Crass, despite being too strong a word to use here (a husband ogling the baby-sitter is crass, treating guests to a free garage sale is, at worst, inappropriate), is entirely subjective.

Do we think you were crass? No, as it's apparent you know your audience. With good friends, a party that's relaxed and even a bit eccentric works. Were you to invite your husband's new boss, or, say, the humorless counselor at the adoption agency you are trying to impress, then we'd say leave the Wedgwood in the hutch. Does your husband not get a female's biological need to acquire merchandise? At any rate, the party's over and the spoils divvied up. If hubby won't kiss and make up, we'd suggest you two explore what's really eating at him.

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