COMMENTARY
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By David Shapiro
I attended a cocktail reception for a charity I work with and as I left, the hostess said, "I'm glad you came so people could see you're not the ogre they thought you were."
Ogre? A little harsh, don't you think? In my eyes, I'm the biggest pussycat in town.
"It's just that the articles you write are so tough sometimes," she said.
Hey, I write about tough people who like to dish it out and ought to be able to take it.
It so happened that I had a face-to-face the next day with the tough, but unhappy, subject of a recent column.
He didn't call me an ogre but made a similar point when he suggested I resemble a certain male body part.
Perplexed, I consulted my daughter, who said, "You used to write about nice things once in awhile — your dog, your grandson. If people think you're an ogre, it's because you hardly ever write nice stuff anymore."
Well, the dog is old, blind and spends the entire day sleeping in whatever spot somebody is most likely to trip over him.
My grandson is of an age where he's embarrassed if I draw attention to him, and I'd cause sibling rivalry if I wrote about his little sister and not him.
I took my daughter's words to heart, though, and scoured the headlines for nice things to write.
It was amazing how easy it was to find a dozen stories I could say nice things about if I tried:
Mayor Mufi Hannemann called the police chief after his wife was ticketed for speeding, then denied he was looking for special consideration.
Nice try.
The state has redeemed only 27 percent of recyclable beverage containers, thus reaping a $9.7 million windfall from consumers on the 194.5 million cans and bottles not returned.
Nice scam.
Fourteen states provided free Viagra to sex offenders under Medicaid.
Nice thinking.
Studies showed Viagra causes blindness in some men.
Nice bachi.
Hawai'i was last in the nation in voter participation for the third presidential election in a row, with barely 50 percent of eligible voters turning out.
Nice civic spirit.
A Kalihi grandmother was arrested for dealing crystal methamphetamine out of her daughter's apartment where her five grandkids live.
Nice example.
The city canceled a smart-card program to collect fares on TheBus after the system served only 1,611 riders at a cost of $1.1 million.
Nice driving.
An O'ahu man indicted for raping an 'Ewa Beach woman at gunpoint in the presence of her 7-month-old baby was free at the time despite 76 prior arrests and 33 convictions.
Nice judgment.
Eighty-seven O'ahu public schools didn't have trash pickup for over a week, leaving a fetid aroma in the humid air, after the state's contractor went into bankruptcy and its last truck broke down.
Nice learning environment.
State legislators, who set open-government requirements for other public employees, contended that their own letters and documents — even those on official stationery— are not public records.
Nice dodge.
Honolulu liquor inspectors convicted of taking bribes from strip clubs and hostess bars apparently did it on overtime, which jumped more than 80 percent in the department the years the shakedowns occurred.
Nice work if you can get it.
A California idiot who tried to auction the skull of a 200-year-old Hawaiian on eBay was sentenced to 600 hours of community service and required to apologize in Hawai'i newspapers.
Nice karma.
So you kids out there take a lesson from this: Even an ogre can find nice things to say if he makes an effort.
David Shapiro, a veteran Hawai'i journalist, can be reached by e-mail at dave@volcanicash.net.
