Posted on: Sunday, June 5, 2005

When retirement calls, bring on tournament

By Michael DeMattos

It had been a long time since I had last seen my friend.

We grew up together, as opponents in local sports, friends in college and witnesses to each other's adulthood. Still, as is often the case, we had lost touch over the last several years.

We each have had children and made respectable lives out of ones that were once considered suspect.

Then, I ran in to him near his downtown office. It was nice touching base, but it was even better when he asked me to join his foursome in a golf tournament that his father was organizing. There are few things I like more than hanging out with good friends and playing a round of golf.

Now to be honest, I had no idea why "Pops" was hosting a golf tournament. In all the excitement I forgot to ask. All I knew was that I was supposed to show up at Kapolei Golf Course at 5:45 a.m. for early check-in.

When I got there I was surprised to learn that the golf tournament was actually a retirement party. It seems my buddy's dad had paid his dues and was calling it a career and to celebrate he invited a hundred or so of his closest friends to share in the mirth and merriment.

I saw a bunch of old friends, and before the day was over I had made a few new ones.

I had never played golf with my buddy, but I quickly learned that he was a hacker — just like me! I attacked terra firma with a vengeance, my club a WGD (Weapon of Grass Destruction) that needed no U.N. search team; it was there in plain sight for all to see. My friend, 220 pounds of solid muscle, sliced golf ball after golf ball into every body of water on the course.

His swing was short, compact and graceful, but ultimately crooked.

We had a great time.

After the round, we gathered for lunch and held a glass aloft for his dad. My buddy then took the stage and jammed Hawaiian-style with family and friends while the rest of us enjoyed the buffet. It was a perfect day.

There were even door prizes; one for every guest. (I was hoping to win a new golf bag, but I got stuck with a spatula set instead.)

As I sat and took in the whole scene I couldn't help but think that this was the way I want my career to end. I want to surround myself with loved ones and I want them to play and sing and laugh.

It struck me that in his retirement, my friend's father was thinking about everyone but himself.

He cared about his 'ohana and it showed. It showed in the line of people at the buffet and the stack of door prizes generously dolled out to others. That stack of gifts could have easily been his, but he gave it all away instead, a testament to the man.

Twenty years from now, when it is my turn to retire, I am going to hold a golf tournament. Everyone will eat to his or her fill and each will receive a gift. And I hope my guests realize that each gift is nothing more or less than a thank you, because no one makes it alone.

Friends, family and a good spatula set can make all the difference in the world.

Michael DeMattos is on faculty at the University of Hawai'i School of Social Work. He lives in Kane'ohe with his wife, daughter and two dogs.