Posted on: Thursday, June 9, 2005

Older mothers face added challenges

By Doreen Nagle
Gannett News Service

So you want to be a later-in-life mother? Starting motherhood later in life may seem like a case of your heart overruling your head, but your head knows time is of the essence.

Here are some things to think about now:

• How old is too old? Women are becoming mothers later in life than ever before. While options do decrease as we get older, they do not end.

• Are you open to a path to motherhood different than the one you envision? If you aren't able to get pregnant easily on your own, how do you feel about using a donor egg? Sperm donor? Adoption? Surrogacy? Foster parenting? Remaining childless?

• If you are in a relationship, how does your husband or partner feel about becoming a parent at this stage of his life? Is his desire as strong as yours?

• How good is your general health? A full physical can reveal if you are in shape to both handle a pregnancy as well as master the energy level needed to chase a two-year-old around the park.

• Since Down Syndrome occurs more frequently in children with older moms, it's a possibility that should be considered prior to pregnancy. What would you want to do if this problem was detected?

• Fear of parenting: Like anything else unknown, the fear of what might be expected of us grows in our fantasies. In the whole history of motherhood, there hasn't been one mother who hasn't messed up at some point. You turned out okay; so will your kids.

• Loss of privacy, quiet and order: If you are used to living without children in your home, there is a good chance you have privacy, quiet and order at home. Children change all that. Trade time off with other mothers or hire a teen to play with your child while you rest.

• Are you part of the "sandwich generation?" Will you be caring for an infirm parent while trying to raise a baby? Planning for options before baby comes home will diminish your stress.

• Do you know other later-in-life moms? While sharing new-baby experiences with younger moms can be enriching, your life experiences won't match. Seek out older mommy playmates via parenting publications and the Internet.