Posted on: Friday, June 10, 2005

THE ADVICE DIVA
Knotted up over his 'busy' lines

By Tara Solomon

Dear Advice Diva:

I love my boyfriend but don't understand some of his behavior. We have dated for four months and I am starting to think it could get serious. I think he loves me, too, but every couple of weeks he gets moody and I won't hear from him for days. He won't return my calls when he gets like this.

When I finally hear from him I will ask him if everything is OK, and he will just say, "I was busy." We go to different schools, so I don't have anyone to ask who would know him. We are both graduating soon and I'm not sure about our future. Is his behavior something I should be worried about?

— Sal

Dear Sal:

Only if you value your sanity and self-esteem. What you are describing could easily morph into additional dysfunctional boyfriend behavior such as his blowing off a date or needing to skip Grad Night at Epcot because he is "busy."

"Busy," by the way, may be his code word for taking time off for: a) psychotic episode, b) drug or alcohol binge, or c) other girlfriend. We've known several busy men whose disappearing acts were symptomatic of one or more of the above.

The Advice Diva urges you to do your own disappearing act — preceded by a short and sweet goodbye: "It has been great dating you but I think we should go our separate ways; with graduation and all, it's just been so busy for me."

Dear Advice Diva:

I am considering asking out a girl who I think is attractive, although her fashion sense is not what I typically like. What do you think of a girl who has four piercings in her ears?

— Brad in Miami Beach

Dear Brad:

We'd say she has three piercings too many. The multipierced look is about as fresh as a Billy Ray Cyrus mullet haircut, circa 1992. (To Billy Ray's credit, he now sports a shaggy 'do, a la The O.C., and actually looks hot.)

Dear Advice Diva:

We recently received an invitation to a baby shower and were very surprised to notice the customary RSVP was replaced by "The cost of the shower is $25 and this does not include gift." I have never seen this on an invitation. Is this a practice in other countries or cultures?

— B. Rose

Dear B.:

We doubt it. Our take on this commonplace practice? Completely horrendous. Better for a group of friends to host the party, dividing the costs evenly. This reminds us of an embarrassing faux pas that occurred many years ago when The Advice Diva was a diva in training. In an effort to cut costs for a boyfriend's birthday dinner, she invited friends to a restaurant, requesting a sum per party to cover costs. When the boyfriend found out afterward, he made her refund everyone's money. We still cringe at the thought. We may have been clueless, but at least we weren't greedy.

Send questions to advicediva@herald.com.