Posted on: Friday, June 17, 2005

ADVICE DIVA
Gift-giving has guests guessing

By Tara Solomon

Dear Advice Diva: What is the rule for gifts for engagement parties, bridal showers and weddings? Does one need to take a separate gift to all three occasions?

I recently received an engagement party invitation from a very social couple in town — and I'm sure this will be followed by a bridal shower for her and a bachelor party for him, in addition to the wedding, of course. It's getting really pricey!

— Tina in Coral Gables, Fla.

Dear Tina: While the Advice Diva's advice may differ from that in the dusty etiquette book on your shelf, we say that you can forgo the engagement party gift if you are invited to the wedding (for which you would take a gift). In most cases, engagement parties are thrown so that those not invited to the wedding can celebrate with — and bring gifts to — the happy couple. As for bridal showers, yes, they require a gift; but for a bachelor party, men needn't bring anything except, depending on how wild things get, protection.

Dear Advice Diva: Any suggestions for fun, unique ideas for me to take my boyfriend out for his birthday? He always does such thoughtful things for my birthday, and I want to return the favor. We've been dating for almost three years, and I want this to be a real surprise.

— G.S.

Dear G.S.: You can't go wrong with a hot outfit (on you), a great "date" restaurant that's new to both of you (get the menu faxed to you and definitely request the most romantic table in the house), a card with a sweet inscription and a festively wrapped gift you think he'll love.

The Advice Diva urges you to rethink all theme-oriented outings (women love themes — men don't) and any plans that involve bowling, driving more than 30 minutes or restaurants that offer a children's menu.

DIVA'S MAILBAG

This week's mailbag letter is in reply to our reader "Itchy Gal," whose desire to marry her boyfriend bordered on the obsessive. The Advice Diva suggested that her boyfriend's suggestion to wait was in fact Guy Speak for being a) money-challenged, b) pressured, c) Bridezillaphobic or d) unsure of the whole love thing.

Dear Advice Diva: Your translations were right on the money. In my case, three of the four replies you listed fit better than a glove. The fourth wasn't too far off the mark. It's been a few years since I was in that situation, but as I reflect back I know that opting out was one of the better choices I've made as an adult.

— Been There, Done That

Send questions to advicediva@herald.com.