Posted on: Sunday, June 19, 2005

OUR HONOLULU

By Bob Krauss
Advertiser Columnist

Here are the rules about how to stay married for 70 years, compiled by Clarence Ferdun, 95, and wife Gertrude, 93, who will renew their vows Saturday even though their 70th anniversary is on Tuesday. Are you ready?

1. Let your romance grow slowly.

Clarence gave Gertrude a ride in his car to the cafeteria when they were both teaching at Lihu'e Elementary School. "I thought she had possibilities," he said. Gertrude had quite a number of male friends. They began doing things together and she decided Clarence was a cut above the others.

2. Don't pick a papa's darling or a mama's boy.

Both Clarence and Gertrude come from big families. Her mother made her help with the housework early in life. Clarence worked to put himself through college. He is a firm believer in marrying a girl somewhere in the middle of the family.

3. Sit down together and decide what your life objectives are.

It turned out, when they talked about their life objectives, that Gertrude wanted a big family. With her first child, she discovered how much it would cost. Clarence said she then changed her mind. Even so, they had three, a boy and two girls, all of whom they sent to college on teachers' salaries.

4. Don't buy on the installment plan. Save up and pay cash.

The only thing that Gertrude and Clarence bought on the installment plan was their house and that was because rentals were so tight after World War II. They got a 25-year mortgage and paid it off in seven years. On their honeymoon to California, they paid cash for a refrigerator and electric stove at Sears and shipped them back to Honolulu.

5. It isn't necessary to be demonstrative, but give each other plenty of space.

Neither Gertrude nor Clarence is gushy. When asked if he kissed her when he came home from work, he brushed the question aside and said it is more important to give each other space. The way he permits his wife to show him affection is to let her buy him clothes. Linda, a daughter, said the only clothing he buys for himself is shoes. One other thing. It was Clarence who wanted to renew their vows.

6. Each should have defined roles in the marriage.

Clarence said Gertrude is an excellent cook. She says Clarence is much better at managing money than she is. She likes to give parties. He likes to work in the yard. So Clarence doesn't try to tell Gertrude what color the sofa should be and she doesn't tell him what kind of plumeria tree to plant. He manages the money; she manages the house. Linda says she's never heard them argue.