Posted on: Tuesday, June 21, 2005

ABOUT WOMEN
My kid 'sister' is growing up

By Leila Wai
Advertiser Staff Writer

A few weeks ago, I watched my baby cousin graduate from high school.

At 18 years old, Whitney isn't exactly a baby anymore. But she's the first one in the family I've seen go through the different stages of her life, from birth to her proms.

My brother, who is five years younger than me, came along at a time when I was too self-absorbed to even recognize there was another addition to the family.

But Whitney was the last of my family's grandchildren, and with a family as close as mine, she was always more like my younger sister.

I worry about how she'll maneuver through the next phase of her life, how to protect her from heartache and keep her away from bad boys. I wish I could teach her lessons from all the mistakes I've made, but know she needs to make them herself before she really learns.

At 25, I'm hardly the one to dish out words of wisdom. But from my own experiences, there are some things I'd like to tell her:

• Stay away from athletes, because they can be too busy, either occupied by their sports or with themselves.

• Being independent in a relationship is important, but being with a guy you can depend on is crucial.

• Sneaking into over-21 clubs makes turning 21 kind of uneventful.

• Vote!

• If someone stops you to say hello and you don't recognize them, give them a big smile and keep talking anyway. Hopefully, their name will come to you.

• Having a crush on someone is one of the best feelings, until you fall in love.

• I'm not condoning underage drinking, but if you do, don't drive. Call your mom or dad. They'll be happier about it once they stop being mad.

• Don't be lazy. If you're near a land line, don't use your cellular phone. Overage charges will kill you. You'll understand when you start paying your own bills.

• Keeping in touch with your friends from high school might be harder than making friends in college; but both are important.

Since my cousin was always mature for her age, I'm sure she understands most of this already (hopefully not the clubbing part). But how can I not worry about what she'll encounter?

I was clueless out of high school, and I'm not much better now. She can probably teach me a lot of things, too.

When I was in college, Whitney's mom, Auntie Myra, asked me what I would do to keep her away from drugs and into classes, help her be a successful person and athlete, and encourage her to stay out of trouble while having fun.

I told her everything I wish I knew when I was growing up in a culture where looks and athletic ability counted more than substance and smarts.

Regardless of what I said, Auntie Myra and Uncle Cully, her parents, did really, really well.

She's no longer a baby, but she'll always be like my kid sister.

Reach Leila Wai at 535-2457 or lwai@honoluluadvertiser.com.