Posted on: Monday, June 27, 2005

ABOUT MEN

By Mike Leidemann
Advertiser Staff Writer

When it comes to shopping, men just want one thing: speed, speed and speed.

We don't want to browse. We don't want to comparison shop. We don't want any sales-clerks asking if they can help us. We definitely don't want to walk through the women's lingerie or fragrance sections.

Unless it's picking power tools, a new tennis racquet or ice-cream flavors, we just want to get in, get what we need and get out.

And when I say men, I'm not just talking about me. There was a story a couple of years ago about two men stopped by security guards in a Boston department store for acting suspicious: They were buying things too fast.

Studies show that women still make most purchases in America — even things like paint, floor coverings and men's socks.

That's just fine with us. That leaves us more time to watch football or drink beer in the carport.

Occasionally, though, shopping is unavoidable, which is what happened to me a couple of months ago.

My sister-in-law was getting married in Detroit, and dressy aloha was not a fashion option, I was told. For a while, I couldn't bring myself to believe that there were still places in America where men gather together in suit and ties for special occasions other than funerals. Eventually, my wife convinced me otherwise.

Since I hadn't bought a sports jacket since 25 pounds ago and the last suit I owned was stolen out of my car in Chicago more than 25 years ago, an anxiety-filled shopping experience seemed inevitable.

One Sunday, I made a dry run without my personal shopping assistant to scope things out at Ala Moana Center.

Mid-mall I discovered an Italian store that sold nothing but men's suits (who knew?) with price tags from $1,500 to $2,500. ("They're all half off," the salesman said.)

At Macy's, you could find a decent suit for $400 or so, but that still seemed pricey for something destined for one-time use.

So as D-Day approached, I dilly-dallied, dithered and delayed in the tradition of all men shoppers. A week before the wedding, I discovered a $200 tasty brown pin-striped gangsta-look suit that I thought would be perfect for Detroit, but it was vetoed by my wife because, after all, it was her sister getting married.

In desperation one day, we agreed to visit Nordstrom Rack and buy something, anything, so long as it looked good, didn't cost an arm and a leg and could be tailored in five days.

"In and out. In and out. In and out," I mantra-ed as we entered the store. "Get in, get something, get out."

And we did. In just under 35 minutes, I bought a black Perry Ellis suit, a light blue dress shirt, a striped tie, and new pair of black, tasseled loafers, an entire ensemble that should last for another 25 pounds or 25 years, whichever comes first.

Reach Mike Leidemann at 525-5460 or mleidemann@honoluluadvertiser.com.