By Ferd Lewis
If Temple coach John Chaney sending out a hit-man wasn't an indication that the bizarre is afoot, then Oakland University (which is in Michigan, not Oakland, Calif., by the way) crashing the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament with a 12-18 record surely is.
Welcome to the annual outbreak of that affliction known as "March Madness" that can strike anyone anywhere this month.
You, too, might have already come down with a case. Consider yourself among the millions afflicted nationwide and seek immediate help if you:
Bought a sleeping bag to be the first in line just in case National Invitation Tournament tickets go on sale at the Stan Sheriff Center tomorrow.
Can't believe that today, "Selection Sunday", isn't considered a religious holiday.
Are looking to buy some Final Four tickets from Mike Tice.
Not only knew where St. John Fisher was, but that it was the last unbeaten team in NCAA basketball.
Scheduled your vacation around the O'Reilly Auto Parts Southland Conference Basketball Tournament.
Have been told you remind your family of having a Riley Wallace tantrum when you stomp your feet.
Think Billy Packer would be a natural replacement for Dan Rather.
Believe the "Jake in Progress" TV show is an adaptation of Jake Sottos' senior season.
Thought Bashar Assad was a power forward in the Big 12.
Have started referring to colleagues at work as "high-major", "mid-major" or "low-major" material.
Keep waiting for the Western Athletic Conference Tournament to come to Hawai'i.
Have changed hair styles this season to follow those of "Little Matt" Gibson.
Think Chaney calling one of his players a "goon" was a term of endearment.
Begin chanting "over-rated ... over-rated!" when a luxury car pulls up next to you at a traffic light.
Asked UH if it rents out the "Bowzooka" for a baby luau.
Sent a sonogram of your soon-to-be-born daughter to the coaches at Stanford University, alerting them to save a scholarship for 2024.
Have the Horizon Conference Tournament bracket taped to your refrigerator door.
Looked for Jade Abele's X-ray on eBay.
Thought all this talk of a Mideast peace conference had to do with a league of pacifist schools.
Started printing "Jeff Law for Governor" T-shirts.
Are hoping Rick Neuheisel will be in your tournament pool.
Reach Ferd Lewis at firstname.lastname@example.org or 525-8044.