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The Honolulu Advertiser

Posted on: Sunday, May 1, 2005

Her dad said 'maybe'; she said 'yes!'

By Paula Rath
Advertiser Staff Writer

A true romantic at heart, Eric Wehner, 29, of Kaimuki, planned for months exactly how he wanted to propose to his girlfriend, June Chung, 27, also of Kaimuki. At Stage 1, his plans were nearly derailed by a cultural misunderstanding. Stage 2 was nearly arrested because of an acute back injury.

Eric and June have spent a lot of time at the beach together.

Photo by Nina Zubal

However, love overcame all, and the couple were to marry yesterday at the Kahala Mandarin Oriental Hawaii.

As for the cultural misunderstanding: Wehner, who was born and raised in New Hampshire, wanted to ask Chung's Korean parents for her hand in marriage before he proposed to her. He drove over to Kane'ohe with a diamond ring in his pocket and trepidation in his heart.

Her father speaks little English, so her mother tried to translate. An hour and a half later, Wehner left, dejected, with a "maybe."

When he got home, he called Chung's sister to ask her to intervene on his behalf. Perhaps it was a language issue?

Well, yes, that was part of it. But, more importantly, it was a cultural issue. The Korean tradition is that the guy asks the girl to marry him, and if she says "yes," they go together to ask for the parents' blessing. Oops!

With that misunderstanding resolved, and the blessing of her family secured, Wehner moved ahead with his plan for proposing.

Since the couple had spent many of their most meaningful times at the beach, he mulled over myriad stretches of sand before settling on a secluded cove near Diamond Head.

On Jan. 25, 2004, Wehner wore the board shorts that had been Chung's first gift to him, tucking a little square box into the pocket. He intended to drop to one knee and present her with a diamond ring at sunset. However, an accident at work had left him with severe back pain, hardly able to walk, much less kneel in the sand.

So he did what came naturally: He headed for the water.

Treading water, trying to find relief for his back, he called out to Chung to join him as the sun started down, turning the sky tangerine. Meanwhile, he fumbled with the little box and took out the ring, clinging to it for dear life.

"I was terrified," Wehner said. "I was thinking so hard about all the things I wanted to say that now I don't even remember what I actually did say."

That's OK. Chung remembers what she said: "Yes!"

As for the cultural differences, the couple is working them out. Wehner is learning to speak Korean, at least the polite terms. He is also learning how to handle himself at the dinner table.

"I can never empty my plate completely or her mother will load it up again and force-feed me," Wehner said. "I always have to leave a little on my plate."

Chung has visited New Hampshire and Maine, where Wehner spent his summers, and learned not to laugh at what passes for beaches there: "When my friends look at pictures of Eric as a little boy, playing in the sand on the beach, they say 'Oh, he's so cute, playing in the mud,' " Chung said.

She drew the line at both of them wearing han bok, the traditional Korean dress, for the wedding.

"I was up for it, but she wasn't," Wehner said. "She wants to wear a western wedding gown."

His family will get to see han bok, though, as Chung's mother and grandmother will both be wearing the traditional attire at the reception.

Ever the romantic, Wehner will not see Chung, or her gown, on their wedding day until they meet at the altar.

Reach Paula Rath at prath@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-5464.