Coming out positive step for Tuaolo
By Brandon Masuoka
Advertiser Staff Writer
Mainaivasa Tavai Tuaolo wanted to meet this wonderful woman with whom her son, Esera, was having a relationship.
Rebecca Breyer • The Honolulu Advertiser
"Are you ashamed of me?" his mother asked. "Why don't you bring her home."
Esera Tuaolo, now pursuing a career in singing and acting, entertained more than 200 at the University of Hawai'i on Thursday.
Esera Tuaolo — a former National Football League defensive lineman who retired following the 1999 season after nine years in the league — later told his mother that he was attracted to a man.
"I told her on Mother's Day," said Tuaolo, who was born on O'ahu and raised in Waimanalo. "It took her an hour or so, but we had the best conversation."
In 2002, Tuaolo's world changed when he told an HBO television show that he was gay, and kept his homosexuality secret out of fear that other players would injure him and end his career. His announcement made world headlines, and the ensuing public reaction was mostly supportive, Tuaolo said.
"We didn't get too many hate mails," said Tuaolo, who is the third NFL player to announce that he was gay after running back David Kopay (who played from 1964 to 1972) and offensive lineman Roy Simmons (1979 to 1984). "Actually, 95 percent was positive from people around the world."
Tuaolo, 36, received a rousing ovation Thursday from a crowd of more than 200 at the University of Hawai'i's Campus Center Ballroom. "Tackling Homophobia with Esera Tuaolo" was sponsored by various campus and community organizations.
Tuaolo said he wanted to inspire others with his story, and hoped to educate the public about homophobia, tolerance and diversity.
He also expressed his displeasure about the negative perception of the UH rainbow logo viewed by some as a gay symbol. In 2000, former UH athletic director Hugh Yoshida cited the gay symbolism of a rainbow as a reason for making a change. Yoshida later apologized.
"It's very sad things like that have to happen," Tuaolo said.
Tuaolo also offered suggestions to athletes or others who may want to divulge their sexual orientation publicly.
"You need the support and you need to be safe," Tuaolo said. "For an athlete who is coming 'out', this is what I did. I questioned myself, 'Is it going to hurt my chances to succeed in my sports?' Right now, in this day and age, you hear about the negative stuff about homosexuality. It's not a safe place right now, but it will be some day."
Sterling Sharpe, a former teammate of Tuaolo with the Green Bay Packers, said Tuaolo "would have been eaten alive" and "would have been hated for it" had he divulged that he was gay during his playing career, according the HBO show.
"People asked me why I didn't come out (in the NFL), that's the reason why," said Tuaolo, who disclosed that he became very depressed and contemplated suicide during his playing days.
Now, Tuaolo is pursuing a career in singing and acting. He lives outside of Minneapolis with his partner and their adopted twins, a boy and a girl.
After his announcement, Tuaolo recalled some humor in the situation, saying a burden had been lifted off his shoulders: "I felt as light as a feather, but when I stepped on the scale the next morning I was still 320 pounds."
Benjamin Tuiolosega Balete, 31, of McCully, listened to Tuaolo Thursday and then applauded his courage. Balete said it's difficult for a high-profile Samoan athlete such as Tuaolo to divulge that he's gay.
"In our Samoan culture, when you're a man, you're a man," Balete said. "It's hard for Samoan people to accept somebody who is manly or who takes on manly traits like a football player to be gay versus someone who chooses to be transsexual or transgender and changes their whole appearance to look like a woman. It's more difficult for men like (Tuaolo) to come out to their families because Samoan cultures and communities are very close knit."
Tuaolo was raised as the youngest of eight children. He attended Waimanalo Elementary School, and Kailua High School for the first two years. To get more athletic exposure, he went to live with relatives on the Mainland and finished at Don Lugo High in Chino, Calif.
The move paid off for Tuaolo, who went on to play football at Oregon State, and was voted the best defensive lineman in the Pac-10 in 1989.
"I think he's a very strong role model for everyone," said Camaron Miyamoto, the Director of the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Student Services Office at UH, which helped organize the event. "Whether they're football players, scholars, students, or athletes in general, everyone can learn that everyone deserves to be safe on our campus."
Reach Brandon Masuoka at bmasuoka@honoluluadvertiser.com or 535-2458.
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