Posted on: Tuesday, May 3, 2005

ABOUT WOMEN
He cooks better than I do, so ... ?

By Lynda Arakawa
Advertiser Staff Writer

My boyfriend and I have a running joke about how we envision married life.

"I'll stay home, cook and take care of the kids while you make all the money," he'll say.

"No way," I'll respond. "I'm staying home and you go out to work."

We joke like this even though we've generally accepted that unless we win the Megabucks, we'll probably both have to work to make ends meet in Hawai'i.

But my guy is a little more serious in this debate, even lightly pointing out that "everyone who marries into your family" — meaning my three sisters-in-law — were all homemakers at one point.

I have to admit I felt a little funny about the thought of my guy trading in his hard hat and tool belt for an apron and Swiffer mop while I go to work.

Yes, I know that's a hypocritical thing for me to say, since I belong to a generation of women who enjoy equal-rights benefits our predecessors fought so hard for. But while women have made great strides in the work force, there's still an expectation that men will continue working.

There's an even darker assumption that women handle domestic duties better than men. How many commercials for cleaning products feature men (who are not acting like clueless idiots)? How many diaper ads do?

The truth is, my boyfriend is more domestically inclined than I am. He's more comfortable carrying babies, more efficient with a vacuum and he can cook a Cornish game hen to absolute perfection.

I, on the other hand, kill house plants and eat nacho dip and chips for dinner.

What can I say? The guy has a knack for it.

Or does it just seem that way because I'm failing horribly in that area?

Despite spending hours watching the Food Network, I still only feel comfortable cooking about three different dishes. If I cook at all.

My man can whip up a killer pot roast on a whim. No directions, no turning on a timer. Amazing.

At first, it was kind of unnerving. I had envisioned the adult me as the woman who could do everything: career, happy family, a reasonably clean home and a kick-butt dinner menu that guests would rave about for weeks.

Now I envision my future kids cheering when daddy is cooking, and hoping for mac and cheese from the box when it's my turn.

And after seeing my fourth basil plant wither away and watching helplessly as the boyfriend gently takes the spatula away from me to demonstrate how people really cook eggplant parmigiana, I'm reluctantly resigning myself to being the second-string homemaker.

Which actually, when I think about it, could make my life a whole lot easier.

So maybe being the breadwinner who comes home to a hot meal and a clean house wouldn't be so bad after all.

All we need now is to win the Megabucks.

Reach Lynda Arakawa at 535-2470 or larakawa@honoluluadvertiser.com.