Perhaps when it comes to religion, Hawai'i, the land that prides itself on its diversity, is not as tolerant as it would like to be.

Religious tolerance, the topic of tomorrow's symposium sponsored by the Interfaith Alliance Hawai'i and the Hawai'i Conference of Religions for Peace, gives the community a chance to put the microscope to the Islands' kaleidoscope of religions to see how well they interact. And these real-life incidents, as related by a member and an organizer of the panel, show there's still a way to go.

It's a worldwide problem that often hits home.

Charles Tuigamala, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who graduated from Brigham Young University-Hawai'i with a degree in international business management, said he felt the sting of religious intolerance growing up in Samoa.

"My parents converted to LDS and immediately after, were disowned by both their families," the 32-year-old La'ie man said. "When we were growing up, they were trying to reconcile, but we felt we were always counted out."

He recalled the pain it caused: "They'd say very harsh statements, like, 'You Mormons will go to hell.' When they talked about my parents to us, they'd say they're very stupid going to that church, (you can only) find salvation in other churches. They'd offer us tea, coffee, beer and cigarettes, even knowing it goes against our beliefs. We found no acceptance in our extended family. We always felt left out."

That has taught him "a lot of patience and tolerance," and Tuigamala is grateful for that.

"I've learned a little about Islam, and I like it. It's a great religion. It teaches a lot of good," he said, adding that extremism is the root of its problems. "There's a lot of good in every religion. It's something that has to be present, as a foundation in everybody's lives. Otherwise, there's no guidance."

Fran Marguiles, a member of Congregation Sof Ma'Arav, a conservative Jewish community that meets at First Unitarian, finds her life has been relatively free of anti-Semitism, both here and on the East Coast.

"I grew up in New York City, and the people my parents associated were either Jewish or used to Jewish people," she said. "I never felt prejudice until one time in the Midwest, but there, it was muted."

She remembers the shock when someone said in her presence, "Don't Jew me down," a reference to bargaining. Luckily, that did not occur in Hawai'i.

"Most people don't know much about (Jewish people) or hear about them," Marguiles said. "We've been lucky (here). People who don't feel prejudice, or don't express them. ... In Hawai'i, there are so few Jews they didn't have a chance to get angry at each other."

Religious diversity

Two members of the panel who will take up the issue of religious diversity, Gregg Kinkley and Poranee Natadecha-Sponsel, said Hawai'i sees less overall intolerance, probably because the spirit of aloha pervades our society. It's a good time to put the focus on how, in the words of Rodney King, we all might "just get along."

"Obviously, for any Jew, (tolerance) would be a big issue," said Kinkley, an attorney who serves as ritual committee chairman for Congregation Sof Ma'Arav. "In our own history, there's a sad list of atrocities committed because of intolerance. That makes it an interesting topic. ...

"Intolerance could be ascribed as the basic problem we have in world today. ... Especially, and ironically in a country like this that bases itself on personal freedom, it's intolerance that's going to end up slamming the door on people it needs most."

Like Kinkley, Natadecha-Sponsel sees intolerance occurring not just between but within religious communities. She talked about how even Buddhism, which embraces a variety of beliefs of balance and tolerance, has sects that believe theirs is the only "right" way.

"It's true throughout all religions, within sects," said Natadecha-Sponsel, a religion teacher at Chaminade. "You can see clearly it happening in Iraq, more liberal and conservative (factions). We saw that all religions have (members who show) disapproval of other practices."

It's playing out in a remarkably public way right now at the Muslim Association of Hawaii, where its Web site (www.iio.org) shows a hot thread of discussion on women's roles within the local mosque.

Mona Darwich-Gatto, a 29-year-old Muslim mother of a toddler, had raised questions about the renovation of the mosque, which put women in a separate prayer area. She said a variety of dress and customs are found outside the mosque, but conformity holds sway within.

"At the mosque, you have to adhere to what the leaders want," said Darwich-Gatto, who did her University of Hawai'i honors thesis for a bachelor's in sociology on this issue. "There are those who follow different ways, but inside, you don't see those things."

She pointed to the Quran, which is translated and interpreted many different ways, depending on the country and the particular community: "All read it through cultural glasses," she said.

Darwich-Gatto objects to what she sees as a reluctance to consider other points of view. "What they want is to keep (discord) within the family," she said. "This is how it's been the past 20 years, and it's not going anywhere if you keep it to yourselves. ... You have to discuss it. You think we all feel the same? Far from it. (We) have to accommodate those differences, to be tolerant within ourselves."

Of course, for those who disagree with Darwich-Gatto, a differing point of view may be a closely held matter of faith.

Those who are firmly set in the belief that theirs is not just the right way but the only way fail to appreciate other paths, Natadecha-Sponsel said. However, once people open their minds to the way others view truth, a commonality may often be found.

"Intolerance is usually ignorance about other religions," Natadecha-Sponsel said.

It's not always ignorance, said the Rev. John Heidel, organizer for the Central Union event, adding that he hopes the panel addresses "the increasing and multifaceted scope of polarity" that's eroding the fabric of American tolerance today.

"It seems to be dividing our nation in a way that's almost dangerous, not allowing us to work together toward a goal," said Heidel, adding that religion sometimes carries a depth of emotion that can turn to anger. "Like a family discussion, there's appropriate way of handling anger. I'm looking for an appropriate way to handle the natural emotion that results from a discussion about religion."