Posted on: Friday, May 13, 2005

COMMENTARY
Psycho girlfriend an eBay ego boost

By Eric Edwards
Knight Ridder News Service

Love comes in many wonderful packages.

When some people imagine an ideal love, they dream of a young couple running toward each other through a field of posies, arms wide for an embrace.

Others picture lovers exchanging longing glances across a candlelit dinner table.

And then there are those who fantasize about women relentlessly stalking them.

Fields of posies are hard to come across, and candlelit dinners are difficult to prepare, so maybe the person who dreams of dating a psychotic stalker is the one whose fantasy is most likely to come true.

In fact for just over $100, that dream may come true, thanks to eBay.

The eBay site, which has revolutionized what people can buy and sell (up to and including the guy who rented out ad space on his forehead), has also provided a forum for loonies who know that everything has a price.

This eBay item, e-mailed to me recently by an alert reader, promises to give the high bidder the brand of love that only a psycho girlfriend can offer.

"Let me be your fantasy imaginary psycho girlfriend for a month. I am 29 years old, 115 pounds, with natural purple hair and a fascination with death. I am certifiably insane (copy of certificate available upon request)."

At last glance, the bidding had reached $99.

For one month, the psycho girlfriend promises to call the winner weekly, inquiring of his whereabouts and accusing him of seeing other women. Those calls will be followed by long e-mails professing her undying love, which will be followed by even longer e-mails that describe how much she hates the winner and never wants to see or hear from him again.

It's hard to believe you'd have to pay American dollars to find a crazy girlfriend.

But even though 30 days doesn't seem like a very long time to date someone, the psycho girlfriend promises to provide the winner with enough evidence of her deranged devotion to last a lifetime. So the other women in your life who will witness the punishment you'll endure to keep a girlfriend are sure to be awestruck by your ability to hang in there.

Especially when the psycho girlfriend sends you a package filled with dead insects, mutilated stuffed animals and disturbing threats ... followed by an apology, followed by a love letter written in blood.

It is well known that, when it comes to attracting women, having a crazy girlfriend is more effective than having no girlfriend at all. And that's the beauty of the psycho. She offers a short-term commitment of a month's worth of stalking that will prove to other women that you're the sort of man that women go absolutely insane over. Just don't be shocked when her break-up letter is a threat.