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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Thursday, May 19, 2005

COMMENTARY
Far from Hawai'i and longing for family

By Noelani Kimura

One lazy Sunday evening, my sister Googled an ex-boyfriend, just wondering what he might be up to — maybe he was engaged, working at a new job since graduating from business school or living in a new city. But then her heart dropped when she stumbled across something she never thought she would find: an announcement that he had passed away about a year ago.

Pete was a great guy who loved edamame and hiking and hated people who littered. It's incredibly unfair and upsetting that he died of heart failure at just 27 years old. What I think is most heartbreaking is that his birthday fell on Mother's Day this year. I can't even begin to imagine how his family must feel.

My sister and I stayed up all night that Sunday. It made me think about how lucky I am and made me question why I choose every day to live so far away from home and all the people I love there. Why am I not in Ho-nolulu to take my grannies to Longs or to their doctor appointments? To pick up my dad at the airport when he flies in from Osaka? To buy my friends a drink when they're having a bad day, or be my mom's date at a wedding or a Friday night movie?

At my mom's 60th birthday party last year, my sister and I thanked all of her closest friends for bringing her NyQuil and soup when she's sick, helping her find the dog when Pua's run away for the 50th time, and making sure she goes for her daily talk-and-walks (usually more talking than walking) around Kaimuki. My mom's lucky to have such great friends, and we're even luckier that she has them. They're there for her every day — and would rush to her side in a minute — in a way that I feel my sister and I should be there for her.

But we're not. We share a new puppy, comfortable corporate jobs, a handful of amazing friends who are more like family, and our second-floor Wrigleyville apartment in Chicago, as well as lots of arguments and mostly laughs. The arguments have been less and the compliments more since we discovered the horribly sad news about Pete. I think we've become much more grateful for and aware of all we are fortunate to have.

I love Chicago. But sometimes it feels selfish to enjoy living in a city that offers four seasons and an opportunity to do something different every night. Like when I have to say goodbye to my grandma after a week at home, watching her 4-foot-8 frame get even smaller as she waves and the car pulls away. I worry about how my parents are getting older and that the time I have to spend with them is slipping away.

Just the other day, I caught up with a friend who was in town from Honolulu. I was surprised to learn that he had moved from San Francisco back home early last year, and then so sad to hear that his dad had passed away just last fall. He wanted to be sure he was there to take care of his dad and his family. Who else, he said, would be there to have dinner with his mom every night? He couldn't have said it any better, and I can't think of anything more loving or admirable for someone to do.

They all say to be grateful for and make the most of what you have. I guess right now that's Chicago and its skyscrapers, Michigan Avenue, and the world's best stuffed pizza. But every day, I think about what I miss from home.

And I always think about how coming home should happen sooner rather than later.

Noelani Kimura, who grew up in the Islands, now lives in Chicago.