WORKBYTES
Job rejection is no reflection of your worth
By Dawn Sagario
Hey, there's no shame in rejection.
At least that's what I've told myself after being denied college scholarships, internships, new credit cards ... not to mention being kicked to the curb by a boyfriend on our anniversary and dismissed by cute (and not-so-cute) boys at the bar.
Rejection — that bitter, lingering punched-in-the-gut feeling — is universal. But how one deals with subsequent feelings of anger, frustration and disappointment is unique to each individual.
Krystal Grow, a 21-year-old journalism student in Massachusetts, candidly chronicled her recent rejection for a summer internship at SPIN magazine in New York City in a newspaper column.
Her diary-esque column started a nationwide buzz.
"I assumed I was a shoo-in and started looking for apartments in the East Village in my spare time," she wrote in an April 22 column for the North Adams (Mass.) Transcript newspaper.
She told her friends she was moving to New York and invited them to visit her. Problem was, she had yet to land the job.
Heartbroken, Grow wrote how she cried until she passed out, only to awaken and cry some more.
In a subsequent column, Grow said as an outgrowth of venting, she received responses from journalists across the country, calling her "naive, arrogant, inexperienced, and immature — not cut out for the grisly world of professional journalism."
While Grow admitted she was naive, she insisted she wasn't arrogant. (Check it out online at www.thetranscript.com).
When 25-year-veteran writer Catherine Wald got wind of Grow's story, she said Grow was wrong to take things personally.
"Everybody can relate to rejection," Wald said. "It's not just 21-year-olds. It dogs you your entire life."
Wald knows what she's talking about. The self-described "rejexpert" said she has been turned down 100 to 200 times for her articles, essays, short stories and novels.
But the kicker was when her first novel in 2001 didn't get published.
"I've had lots of rejections in the past," she said. "But for something I had spent five years of my life; it just really floored me."
That's when she decided to channel her pain and disappointment into something positive. Wald created an online forum called rejectioncollection.com. There, people can post their rejection letters and vent vitriolic feelings.
Wald takes a humorous tone on the site, giving herself the title of "Chief Rejecutive Officer."
"Some things are so painful that it can only be dealt with humor," she said.
She also wrote a book, "The Resilient Writer: Tales of Rejection and Triumph From 23 Top Authors," now available in stores. (Ironically, she got 50 rejections for her rejection book.)
Jody Coward also found that posting one of his job rejection letters online was cathartic, and in 2001 created lettersofrejection.com, where visitors can post their own rejection letters from prospective employers and voice their frustrations.
"As soon as the site got national exposure, companies started contacting me with threats of lawsuits and such," said Coward, 26, who lives just outside Charlotte, N.C. "But I held my ground because, number one, these were their actual letters; and, number two, we have the rights to our opinions."
Coward, a computer specialist, offered several tips for job seekers, which included always dressing the part for an interview (he found out he wasn't chosen for a job because he hadn't worn a tie). He added that after an interview, it's helpful to critique yourself.
Dee Wright, director of the counseling center at Drake University in Des Moines, said rejected students need to tell themselves: "This rejection does not determine my dignity and worth."
Wright said sharing your feelings with family and friends can be comforting and can help you cope.
How students deal with rejection is a reflection of the research they've done regarding the job market, he said. Some have a good handle on the availability of jobs in their field and have realistic expectations. Others send out one application, get rejected, and want to quit.
"It's a process, not a one-shot deal," Wright tells students.
A prolonged job search and multiple rejections can take its toll. He recommends taking a break and trying to gain some perspective. In the past, he has encouraged people to do volunteer work at a homeless shelter.
It helped students realize that "it's not the whole world rejecting you," he said.
Be professional throughout the entire rejection process, especially if you still want to work at the organization, said Debra Setterdahl, professional and career services development coordinator at Drake.
Thank the interviewer for his/her time, and while it may be awkward, Setterdahl suggests asking someone in human resources or the interviewer for feedback on ways you can improve.
"The most important thing," Setterdahl said, "is not to burn any bridges."
