Posted on: Tuesday, May 24, 2005

ABOUT WOMEN
Rebellious mommy mellowing

By Treena Shapiro
Advertiser Staff Writer

A while back, a friend got so frustrated with my inability to appreciate Radiohead that he asked snidely, "You aren't still listening to punk, are you?"

I dodged the question.

Punk just doesn't fit with my idealized vision of motherhood, and I am so "the Mom." I traded my Doc Martens for sandals when my feet swelled during my first pregnancy and never looked back. This momma doesn't wear combat boots.

If I still wear denim and plaid too frequently, it's only because that's the style of sling I use to tote my year-old daughter around in.

But while it's easy enough to change externally, real inner change eludes me. I no longer draw anarchy signs on the legs of my jeans, and I've developed a deep respect for my parents, but deep down I'd still rather listen to Social Distortion than Raffi.

I'll be the first to admit that my family has a great time singing along to the Wiggles and Sesame Street, but too much of that wholesome stuff drives me insane. There's only so much Baby Bach and Spidey and Friends I can tolerate before I'm compelled to switch CDs and teach my son sanitized versions of the classics, like a sanitized version of "Brain-eaters" by the Misfits.

I had a very proud-mommy moment the first time my daughter joined in at the "hey, hey, hey," part.

I was even prouder when my son requested a Misfits shirt of his own to match the skull romper his sister was wearing. I may be too old to drop money on myself at Hot Topic, but I'm happy to do it for my kids.

The existence of Hot Topic, as well as punk music on the radio, makes me think that I'm not a horrible mom for exposing my kids to the music I listened to when I was a rebellious teen. It can hardly be considered an alternative lifestyle when you can buy the trappings at Ala Moana Center.

I do have legitimate reasons for shielding the kids from a portion of the music I listen to, not the least being some entirely inappropriate themes and language. More than that, though, I want to protect them from the unhappiness and anger that led me to that kind of music in the first place. Would it be so bad if they were happy and well-adjusted and listening to bubblegum pop?

When I hear my son singing "I'm sorry I can't be perfect" as Simple Plan comes on the radio, I can't help but wonder if he identifies with the lyrics.

On the other hand, it amuses me to listen to him singing along to bands with less angst, like Bowling for Soup or the Ataris.

To see if I could stand listening to more mellow and pretentious music, and thereby transform myself into my vision of a hip mom in her 30s, I took my friend's challenge and listened to Radiohead so much that I kind of like them.

Unfortunately, Radiohead is not going to be the band that turns me into a more mommy-like music listener.

It turns out the kids can't stand them. What a relief.

Reach Treena Shapiro at tshapiro@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8014.