"She thought she was planning the details, but everything she had planned wasn't going to happen," said Teruya, who surprised his bride, Ronda, with the wedding of her dreams. "I planned everything, from the flowers to the cake to the decorations. I had a vision in my head. I knew what I wanted ... She was very surprised."

Across the United States — and here in Hawai'i — grooms are getting involved in the wedding plans, sometimes taking on the entire task themselves.

These men are no longer handing over the proverbial reins to their brides-to-be, saying, "Whatever you want, honey." They're figuring out that planning the wedding isn't just a woman's responsibility. It's a man's job, too.

"Women do everything, and I just wanted to give her something special," Teruya said. "It was a lot harder than I thought it would be ... But it was worth it, to this day. It's fun to think about how much fun we had that night."

As a groom, Teruya isn't the norm. Neither was the wedding he planned.

Not only did he transform the hotel ballroom with scaffolding and black drapes, he booked the $100-per-head Ali'i Buffet and ordered a specially made cheesecake for his bride. Total reception cost: $75,000.

"I wanted something different," said Teruya, 32, who, with his wife runs a wealth management business. "I wanted everyone at the wedding to have fun. (Receptions) are usually for the bride and groom, but we're the hosts of the event. ... I didn't want people to waste a perfectly good Saturday going to a wedding."

The trend is moving away from women planning entire weddings — and complaining about unhelpful fiances — to couples sharing the responsibility and the cost.

And it's a big cost.

The average wedding in Hawai'i can cost $15,000 to $25,000.

Local wedding coordinators say no more than one-fourth of all weddings are planned with substantial input from the groom, but the number is growing.

"It's a slow increase, but it's increasing," said Susan O'Donnell, professional wedding coordinator and owner of Aloha Wedding Planners. "We see a lot of sharing, which is a nice thing. They divvy up the responsibilities. The groom will be in charge of food and music; the bride will (plan) the ceremony and floral decor."

Some experts say the cooperation and communication needed to plan a wedding will help the couple in the future. How well they handle the task can be an indicator of how the two will tackle future projects together.

"It signals ... that there is shared responsibility and a sense of partnership before, during and after the wedding," said Linda Iwasaki, catering/meetings/convention manager at the Hilton Hawaiian Village Beach Resort & Spa, who has seen an increase in grooms pitching in more in recent years.

That's particularly true for Dean Hong and his bride Quyen Tran, who have had to plan a June 4 wedding and reception at the Hilton Hawaiian Village steeped in Chinese tradition — all while residing in Omaha, Neb.

They've been to O'ahu twice to check out reception sites and interview vendors. They have to serve Chinese food at the reception and organize a traditional tea ceremony to take place that morning. Hong took over.

"There's so many things to do and people you have to arrange with, it's difficult especially with our traditions," said Hong, 27, a tax accountant. "It's a Catholic wedding, and it's Chinese-style. ... "It's very daunting, it's intimidating at first when you start thinking about what you have to do. But once you've finalized a part of it, you feel like you're getting somewhere. Then it's a snowball effect."

Greater involvement

As societal roles have shifted, so have the rules for weddings and, more importantly, who plans them.

Grooms are tasting menus, arranging site visits, even picking out flowers for the bouquets.

"(Women) think, 'I'll grow up, find the guy of my dreams, have this beautiful wedding and live happily ever after,' " O'Donnell said. "I don't know if we raise our boys like that."

One reason for the change may be financial. Traditionally, the bride's family paid for the wedding, but as costs have risen, more couples are financing their own weddings. When they do, grooms want to have more control over what they're paying for. And that means getting more involved.

"It's nice to see a groom who's interested," said Mona K. Hirata of Weddings by Grace and Mona. "In many ways, (the wedding) is about the two of them and not just about the bride."

Planning a wedding is like coordinating any large event. You need to find the right location, menu, photographer and outfits — all at the best price. There are ministers to interview and bands to book. And you've only got about a year to do it. Or less.

Women are well aware of this, having been enlisted to help with wedding duties such as folding paper cranes and wrapping favors. Weddings are a lot of work and require careful planning. In today's busy culture, with women working just as much as men, planning such a large event alone can be daunting if not downright insane.

"Some brides are totally fine with planning the entire wedding; in fact, some prefer it that way," Hirata said. "But others get frustrated because there's so much to do. There's so much going on besides just the wedding. They're working full time, too. It's a huge responsibility."

Fiance to the rescue

Jodi Furuya had it all planned out. When her then-boyfriend proposed to her several years ago, she knew exactly what kind of wedding she wanted. A ceremony at Central Union Church. Chocolate-filled wine glasses as favors. Something out of Martha Stewart Living. But they couldn't afford it, and it was too difficult for her to organize alone.

Not only was Furuya planning their wedding, the full-time teacher also was working on her master's degree in special education at the University of Hawai'i-Manoa and adjusting to living with her soon-to-be hubby.

"I was just overwhelmed," said Furuya, 33. "When we first got engaged, I was excited. But it was just stressful."

So her fiance stepped in.

"He really took the initiative because I wasn't doing much," said Furuya, laughing. "I wasn't getting things done and missing deadlines, and he was getting really upset with me."

So Craig Furuya, 31, started making phone calls to vendors and setting up appointments. He went to bridal expos and stationery shops. He even had a say in the flowers and favors.

"... There's so many things to keep track of," Craig said. "I didn't want to burden her with all those details, even if she thought she could handle it. Even though it's for you and your family, too, it's really her day. You don't want her worrying too much."

Craig Furuya even fought for the venue — the Royal Hawaiian — and the officiant (a Buddhist priest) despite his bride's initial plans. (She wanted a ballroom reception and a ceremony at Central Union Church.) He also booked the music: a flutist and harpist for the ceremony, a Hawaiian band for cocktail hour, and the Ka'ala Boys for the reception.

Their July 5, 2003, wedding turned out better than she had anticipated; it was perfect, she said.

"At first, I thought I would have been the one doing everything," she said. "But as it progressed and deadlines were set up, he really got involved ... It was a really great experience."