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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Tuesday, November 29, 2005

PARENT POWER
Tracking teens whereabouts helps reduce fears

By John Rosemond

Have you heard the news? New generation high-tech devices will allow you to track your kids movements, what they are eating and even whether they have attended class. Certain cell phones, for example, will transmit location data which you can access through your PC or cell phone. Another device gives up information on how far your teen has driven the car as well as how fast he drove and even whether he's prone to jackrabbit starts.

The question naturally becomes: Do tracking and detection devices of this sort violate a child's right to privacy? To which I answer: What right to privacy? The last time I looked, the words "right to privacy" are nowhere to be found in the Constitution. My wife doesn't even acknowledge my claims to a right of privacy. If she claims a right to know where I've been and am going, and I agree that she does indeed possess said right, then certainly a parent has a right to know his child's whereabouts, spending habits and driving behavior. And if my wife said, "Here, carry this cell phone so that I'll always know where you are," my refusal would indict me, wouldn't it?

Someone might then say that my wife's insistence that I carry a tracking device would indicate she didn't trust me. That is correct, which is why she wouldn't ask me to carry a tracking device. But I'm not a teenager. And I've heard too many horror stories concerning previously good teenagers who suddenly went bad, really bad, to put my complete trust in any of today's teens.

But trust is not the whole story. If I were a parent of a teen today, especially if the child was a female, I would also be concerned about safety. In that regard, the mere fact that a teenager knows he's being monitored will significantly reduce, if not completely eliminate, the possibility of the teen venturing into a forbidden area of town, driving recklessly or otherwise putting his and his friends' lives in danger. Reducing that possibility is worth more to a parent than a teenager can possibly appreciate.

A 15-year-old in Chicago whose parents monitor his whereabouts with a cell phone isn't happy about the arrangement. "It's annoying," he said. "It gives parents too much control."

Spoken like a child. When it comes to the safety of a child who has limited appreciation of what situations could possibly compromise his safety, there is no such thing as "too much control." Well, I take that back. Keeping the child under lock and key is too much control. The 15-year-old in question doesn't realize that he probably enjoys more freedom because his parents monitor his whereabouts. He just doesn't have the freedom to disobey without fear of consequence, which is not a freedom anyone with any sense would want to have.

Experts are divided on the issue. Kate Kelly, author of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Parenting a Teenager," says "parents who have done their jobs in establishing good relationships with their teens shouldn't be (using high-tech tracking devices). You've got to develop a relationship built on trust, not fear."

That is a platitude, and nothing but. The fact is, parents should instill in their children a healthy fear of consequences, and such fear does not damage the parent-child relationship. Damage is created when a parent employs punitive consequences arbitrarily, the possibility of which is considerably reduced if the parent has accurate information that takes the guesswork out of where the child has been, what the child has been doing.

On the Internet, search: Teen Arrive Alive, Wherifone and CarChip for information.

Knowledge is power, and power exercised on behalf of a child who lacks knowledge is a very good thing.

John Rosemond is a family psychologist. Send questions of general interest to him at Affirmative Parenting, 1020 East 86th St., Suite 26B, Indianapolis, IN 46240 or via www.rosemond.com.