The children, three of them ranging in estimated age from 6 to 11, were up and down from the table, running loudly to and fro in the restaurant while the parents sat calmly and seemingly oblivious to the disruption. After he had finished his meal, the oldest, a boy, did something to his shoes and began roller-skating (I have learned that some brands of sneakers have retractable wheels in the soles!) around the table at which his family sat, holding on to the backs of other customers' chairs for balance. At this point I looked somewhat imploringly at the father, who obviously didn't get it, because he just smiled as if to say "Isn't it great that my kids are having such a good time?"

This chaos wouldn't have merited much notice had the restaurant been a child-oriented establishment like Chuck E Cheese. But this was a four-star restaurant where a three-course meal and a glass of wine runs in the neighborhood of $75 per person. My wife whispered: "You're staring."

Since one discourtesy does not deserve another, I turned slightly sideways in my chair so as to shift my line of sight, but when I did so, my wife's eyes opened wide and she blurted, but quietly, "I don't believe it!" I quickly turned to see what she was looking at and there, at the next table, sat a family of three, one of whom, a little girl, was watching a movie on a portable DVD unit set before her. Thankfully, she was wearing headphones.

That was but one night's experience. From what I gather in talking to waitpersons and restaurant managers across the U.S., ever more parents are bringing young children into high-end restaurants and ever more of those children obviously have yet to have been taught the basic rudiments of public behavior. My experience is certainly bearing this out.

I ask: If while I am a customer in a nice restaurant — not necessarily expensive, even, but one that was at least a step above run-of-the-mill — I begin running around the dining room whooping and giggling, wouldn't you think that strange? If I began roller-skating through the establishment, grabbing the backs of other customers' chairs, wouldn't you consider asking the management to speak to me and even ask me to leave if I would not ratchet it down to at least a dull roar? And if I opened a DVD player at the table and began watching a movie, would you not wonder why I'd bothered going out to eat in the first place? I'll wager that you answered all three questions in the affirmative, and on the slim chance that you did not, you are excused, or rather banished, to Chuck E Cheese. (And by the way, no criticism of that establishment is intended. In fact, I think its mission is laudable and the experience is fun.)

I would like to submit this seemingly radical proposition: If it is inappropriate for an adult to display the above behaviors in a nice restaurant, then it is inappropriate for children to display them, which means parents should disallow them or refrain from bringing their kids to such places. If the restaurant is known as a place of frivolity, fine. If someone chooses to patronize such an establishment, then he has no cause for complaint if the frivolity disturbs him. But if the restaurant is a fine-dining establishment, or close to it, then parents are obliged to teach their children the ins and outs of proper nice restaurant behavior before risking their children's presence in such a place.

Furthermore, if management would ask an adult to leave if he was disturbing the peace of other diners, then management should quietly and with great courtesy ask the parents of disruptive urchins to do likewise.

Reach family psychologist John Rosemond at Affirmative Parenting, 1020 East 86th St., Suite 26B, Indianapolis, IN 46240 or through www.rosemond.com.