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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Friday, October 21, 2005

Female insecurity? Spare us ...

By Tara Solomon

DEAR ADVICE DIVA:

I am one of those men who see nothing wrong with being vocal about the physical attributes of others in front of their romantic partner. In fact, my wife gave me permission, as if I could ever succeed, to bed the very beautiful Lisa Bonet. And she was sincere.

In your advice to Jason, who appreciates physical attributes of beautiful, famous women and voices them to his insecure girlfriend, you advised him to zip his lip.

My advice would have been for the girlfriend to seek help to find out why she is so insecure that she is disturbed by her boyfriend's quite natural appreciation of other women.

I once came home to find this extraordinarily beautiful young woman in our living room. I found my wife in the kitchen and asked about the young woman using those exact superlatives. She knew her friend had a natural effect on my male sensitivities. That was a fact, so why pretend otherwise?

I later did a photo of the beautiful young woman, for her portfolio and mine, and my wife never felt threatened by my admiration of the young woman's beauty or our working together on the shoot. So, your advice goes contrary to the reality of the entertainment industry as well as the nature of men.

— Rob

DEAR ROB:

Why do we feel like we've just been given a verbal snow job? OK, we'll green-light the "look, don't touch" thing — as long as it's handled gentlemanly — and applaud you for having mastered a healthy relationship. But we believe that sometimes the "natural expression" of one's "male sensitivities" can be used as a handy excuse for being an insensitive you-know-what.

You assumed that the young woman (whose boy-friend wrote in) was insecure. Maybe she was just assertive. In a society in which women are judged and valued by their beauty, is it not, to paraphrase your expression, the nature of women to be protective of this virtue? The boyfriend could learn to be more discreet.

The Advice Diva welcomes your questions — particularly the more amusing ones. Write her at advicediva@herald.com.