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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Sunday, September 11, 2005

Sporting sacrifice

By Catherine E. Toth
Advertiser Staff Writer

Aleia Monden, 16, a senior at St. Andrew's Priory, practices diving under the watchful glances of coach Jeff Stabile. Aleia, a state champion, is hoping for a shot at the Olympics.

DEBORAH BOOKER | The Honolulu Advertiser

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CHA-CHING

Costs for a Hawai'i Little League player for one season including one Mainland tournament:

League fees: $125 per player per season

Bat: $250

Glove: $200 (Players may need different gloves for different positions.)

Sliding pants: $30

Cleats: $75

Travel expenses for players: $1,200 per player for 10-day trip

Travel expenses for parents: $1,500 per parent, which includes airfare, hotel, rental car and food

SEASON TOTAL (one child, one parent, one trip): $3,380

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West O'ahu's Vonn Fe'ao, whose team won victory on the Mainland last month.

ADVERTISER LIBRARY PHOTO | Aug. 27, 2005

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Aleia Monden, 16, with her mother Nancy. Aleia is the Hawai'i state champion and state meet record holder for diving. The Mondens have taken only diving-related vacations since Aleia began competing.

DEBORAH BOOKER | The Honolulu Advertiser

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TIPS FOR PARENTS

Sure, the kids have it tough. They’re juggling soccer practice with volleyball games while studying for Monday’s biology test.

But the demanding schedule — and costs — of competitive sports can be taxing on parents, too.

“It amazes me that these parents make such tremendous sacrifices to put (their children) in the right situations to become better athletes,” said Phil Neddo, director of coaching at the Honolulu Bulls Soccer Club. “It’s a big, big sacrifice for these parents.”

Here are some things parents should keep in mind:

Don’t push: While parents may need to encourage their kids to participate in organized sports, they should be careful not to push them too hard. “There’s a fine line between being supportive and being pushy,” said Dr. Lynn Yanagihara, a pediatrician at Straub Kaneçohe Family Health Center. “It (the interest) comes from our kids, we should, for sure, give them 100 percent.”

Be aware: Parents shouldn’t force their kids into sports they don’t like, experts said. If they’re apprehensive about going to practice or pretending to be sick, parents should take notice of these warning signs. Talking with your kids about how they feel about participating is critical. If they don’t like soccer, try something else. Stay encouraging.

Talk about sacrifice: Kids should know early on how much the family has to sacrifice for them to play competitive sports, especially at a high level, said Dr. Ronald Hino, a pediatrician at Straub Pearlridge. Make sure everyone understands the commitment, both in time and money. “Kids are understanding about that, more than parents think,” he said.

Foster other interests: If one child isn’t into competitive sports, don’t ignore her. Find out what interests that child and cultivate it, just as you would a child who’s talented athletically. Maybe she’s into music or art or computer programming. Les Gusman, 45 of Kamehameha Heights, encouraged his oldest daughter to participate in speech and debate in high school, even though his other kids were active in competitive soccer. She even traveled with her team to competitions on the Mainland and Neighbor Islands. “All children have strengths,” Yanagihara said. “Parents should emphasize to their kids that everyone has their own talents, whether that’s working on a computer or mediating a peer group, and support their talents.”

Stick to a budget: Travel expense can really add up, especially at higher levels of competitive sports. Parents can spend thousands of dollars on plane tickets, hotel rooms and rental cars. Experts suggest parents budget accordingly, know what they can and can’t afford, and stick to that.

Keep academics a priority: It doesn’t matter if your child is destined for the Olympics, school comes first, experts say. Aleia Monden, a 16-year-old competitive diver from St. Andrew’s Priory, gets up at 4:30 a.m. to study and do homework because she has practice into the evening. Caycie Gusman, a 17-year-old soccer player at Kamehameha Schools, juggles three sports and AP classes. “You don’t want your kids to just do sports,” Hino said. “You want them to be well-rounded. It’s important they keep up with their school work.”

Make it a family experience: If one child gets to travel to Mainland tournaments for her sport, turn it into a family trip, Hino suggested. “Rather than trying to support just one, get the whole family involved,” he said. This will make siblings feel they’re part of the whole experience, too.

Enjoy the ride: These experiences — whether it’s a volleyball camp at UH or the U.S. Olympic Trials — are ones kids and parents will never forget. “The sacrifices are many,” said Nancy Monden, Aleia’s mother. “But Aleia has some of the most memorable experiences as an athlete. I hope she cherishes those moments.”

— Catherine E. Toth

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West O'ahu's Ty Tirpak and his father/coach Clint Tirpak watch the festivities at the UH/USC football game at Aloha Stadium.

ADVERTISER LIBRARY PHOTO | Sept. 3, 2005

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It costs about $50 a month for 16-year-old Aleia Monden to get private lessons for diving.

Sounds cheap, right?

But consider: Since Hawai'i isn't a hotbed for competitive diving, her parents send her to camps and competitions on the Mainland every year. And that can get pricey.

This year, between April and August, Aleia traveled to Nebraska, Washington D.C., Texas, North Carolina and Florida. In all, the cost totalled close to $10,000 — just in those four months.

Never mind the cost of double-lined swimsuits ($50), chamois ($10) and swim bags ($50).

"I have to work a lot more and longer hours," said mom Nancy Monden, 50, a registered nurse, who picked up a part-time, on-call gig with a clinic to help with expenses. "I've had to put my career on hold."

The Mondens haven't been able to renovate their three-bedroom home in Mililani or save much for retirement. In fact, they haven't been on a non-diving-related vacation since Aleia started competing.

But they're not complaining. After all, Aleia, a senior at St. Andrew's Priory, earned All-American honors in the 3-meter at the AAU National Diving Championships in July, while winning her first national title. She's the three-time defending Hawai'i state champion and state meet record-holder, poised for a college scholarship and hopeful for a shot at the Olympics some day.

"I think it's worth it," Nancy Monden said. "I look at everything she's done. If she wants to dive, she's got the skills to do what it takes. If she wants to be good at what she does, then (the sacrifice) is worth it."

There's no denying these athletic opportunities — whether it's the AAU National Diving Championship or the U.S. Little League World Series — have their benefits. But they also have their costs, which affect the entire family.

Parents are postponing retirements, putting off vacations and taking second jobs — all to support their children's athletic pursuits. They say the sacrifice is worthwhile. But when families take out loans to pay for training camps, or the focus grows on one child and not the others, does the sacrifice come at a cost that's too high?

"Every family is different," said Dr. Ronald Hino, a pediatrician at Straub Pearlridge and father of three sons who all played sports. "So it's up to each individual family to make that decision. ... Certain sports can really cost a lot of money, but not everything costs a lot.

"Parents want the best for their kids. But you have to be reasonable."

Not every child needs to go to expensive basketball camps on the Mainland or have the latest set of golf clubs. Parents need to weigh each situation and determine whether the money spent — if they have it — would be worthwhile.

Among the questions to ask: Are there less expensive ways to achieve the same goal? Are there cheaper camps or equipment? Can we afford this?

"Parents should spend only what they can budget for in their family," said Dr. Lynn Yanagihara, a pediatrician at Straub Kane'ohe Family Health Center. "If you work within your budget, you should be fine."

TRAVEL EXPENSES

Sometimes the high cost is worth the experience — and exposure — for the child.

Consider the West O'ahu team that won Hawai'i's first-ever Little League World Series title last month. While travel for the players was arranged by the league, the parents had to book their flights and accommodations at their own expense. They shelled out thousands of dollars for plane tickets, rooms and rental cars for what turned out to be three weeks of traveling. Some parents took unpaid leave from work or quit jobs. Others asked for financial help from family members.

Still, despite the huge expense, there are no regrets.

"I wouldn't call it a sacrifice," said Clint Tirpak, 40, first-base coach for the West O'ahu team, on which his son, Ty, plays outfield. "This is what I want to do with my kids."

Tirpak said baseball has been more a time commitment than a financial obligation for the family. The team practiced for three hours, six days a week. And as the first-base coach, he also had to lug equipment to every practice.

And Tirpak, who battled testicular cancer this season, didn't want to be anywhere else but on that field in Williamsport, Pa.

"It's been fabulous," he said at an assembly for his son at Hanalani Schools in Mililani on Aug. 31. "I'm happy even if they didn't make it all the way."

This kind of exposure is priceless, said Phil Neddo, director of coaching at the Honolulu Bulls Soccer Club, which takes about 22 teams to the Mainland at least once a year. Especially if these kids are serious about playing their sport at the college, Olympic or professional level.

"I know the athletes here have the talent and ability. I know that that talent has to be seen for them to be successful," said Neddo, whose under-17 girls won the U.S. Club Soccer National Cup IV Finals title in Stony Brook, N.Y. last month. "But it pains me to realize the financial nightmare for some of these parents to be able to do that."

The Honolulu Bulls is considered one of the most expensive soccer clubs in Hawai'i, charging $700 in league fees each year. But that's a third of what other competitive clubs on the Mainland charge, Neddo said.

Because of the high cost, the club does offer financial help for players, thanks to donations. But every year Neddo watches talented athletes bow out of Mainland tournaments because their families can't afford the expense of traveling.

"We've left players behind because they didn't have the financial resources to go," Neddo said. "Some of our best players don't go because the money runs out, the donations are just not enough. When you no longer have the means to do that, you no longer have the choice."

WHATEVER IT TAKES

Mary Suiter knows all about the time and financial commitment to sports.

Her two teenage sons both play competitive baseball and soccer, among other sports.

Matthew, 15, was not quite 5 years old when he started playing soccer. Michael, 13, started at 5. Back then, expenses weren't unreasonable: league fees, shin guards, soccer balls, the occasional potluck dish.

But as her sons became competitive, particularly in baseball, the costs started to mount.

Fees for the Babe Ruth league are $125 per player per season. That includes umpire's fee, field maintenance and uniforms. Suiter has to then pay for bats ($250 each), gloves ($200 each), cleats ($75 each) and sliding pants ($30 each) every year. She said parents can spend $750 per kid per season on baseball — easily.

Reach Catherine E. Toth at ctoth@honoluluadvertiser.com.