DEAR ADVICE DIVA:

About two years ago I ran into an old family friend I hadn't seen for years. We started talking a couple of times a week. He got married a few months ago and while at home for the wedding, he and I went to dinner to celebrate. Out of the blue, he divulged that he has feelings for me, which came as a shock. I told him I love him as a friend, but he's still spilling his feelings. What should I do?

—Confused Charlie

DEAR CONFUSED:

We feel for your friend — and his clueless bride who probably has no idea that her husband harbors secret desires to do the dirty deed with his old pal. Pity he didn't deal with his sexuality before getting married. Note to everyone who thinks that getting married, having a baby or moving to a different city is going to magically change whatever life challenge you are avoiding: It won't; it only makes things a thousand times worse.

Tell your friend that being gay is not a death sentence, and that instead of confiding in you, he needs to find a qualified professional to talk to who can help him understand and accept himself. He owes it to himself, as well as the bride he has duped.

FIRST DATE TURN-ONS AND -OFFS

Vitig from Miami writes:

Turn-ons:

1. Asking me about my interests, background, etc., in a manner that leads to a more in-depth conversation, e.g. "Do you think where you were born influences how you live now?" (as opposed to the hackneyed "What do you like to do for fun?" question).

2. Graciously turning down my offer to contribute to the tab.

3. Kissing me on the cheek goodbye.

Turn-offs:

1. Taking a call during the date unless he says "Excuse me" before answering, and then immediately informs the caller, "I can't talk right now."

2. Not picking up the full tab (tip included), especially if the bill is only for two coffees.

3. Asking why I have not remarried since my divorce.

Write to: The Advice Diva, Miami Herald, 1 Herald Plaza, 5th floor, Miami, FL 33132; or www.advicedivaherald.com.