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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Sunday, April 2, 2006

Love saw family through 9 years of growth

By Catherine E. Toth
Advertiser Staff Writer

Shelly-Marie Nakama and Paul Magdadaro wed on Nov. 10 and now live in Liliha with Nakama’s son, Tyler.

Traci Chrisagis

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When Shelly-Marie Nakama first started dating Paul Magdadaro in 1996, she didn't think it was going to last.

Nine years later — on Nov. 10, 2005, to be exact — the couple wed in Las Vegas in front of nearly 100 guests.

"At first, I thought it was just a rebound," said Nakama, 28, a legal assistant, who had just gotten out of a relationship when she met Magdadaro. "But it actually turned out to be something more."

The pair met at Longs Drugs in Mo'ili'ili. Nakama was a part-time cashier; Magdadaro was a clerk in the photo department.

Neither was looking for a relationship, particularly Nakama, who was busy raising her son, Tyler, then just a year old.

"It was all just too overwhelming," she said. "I really had my hands full."

But that September, the co-workers ran into each other at the Downtown Ho'olaule'a. They ditched their friends and drove to Diamond Head, talking the whole night.

They dated for three years before deciding to move in together.

"By then, our relationship was really strong," Nakama said. "But it was really hard for us."

Nakama admitted she had her priorities mixed up back then. She rebelled against the reality that she was a young mother, pulling all-nighters with her friends and skipping out on her son's baseball, basketball and soccer practices.

Magdadaro, though, stepped up to the parental plate. He took Tyler to his practices and games and remained a consistent part of his life even when the couple broke up in 1999.

"Even if I was dating someone else, he would still come and pick Tyler up," Nakama said. "That opened my eyes to what I had in front of me."

The next year, the couple got back together but lived separately. Nakama continued to party with her friends, which prompted Magdadaro to hand her an ultimatum.

"He didn't think I had my priorities in order," Nakama said. "I was selfish. It was my way or no way. So he told me that I had to get my stuff together before we could make this work. So I had to work really hard toward getting him back."

During the few months that they were separated, Nakama got certified to coach her son's soccer team. That experience, she said, opened her eyes to the responsibilities — and blessings — of motherhood.

"I was always so worried about not becoming a statistic, not being on welfare, swallowing my pride and living at home (with family)," Nakama said. "It was hard. But I didn't fully appreciate the role of a mom at the time. Once I started to see him blossom in football and basketball, I realized, 'OK, this is what it's all about.' I really got my head together."

Nakama also realized how much Magdadaro loved her son.

"This was why he worked so hard to make (the relationship) work," Nakama said.

Magdadaro presented Nakama a diamond promise ring. They got back together that year. But they didn't talk about marriage until the next year.

"We waited to see if this was really going to work out," said Nakama, who's now an integral part of her son's athletic teams. "He was apprehensive, and I didn't want to screw things up."

On Valentine's Day 2004, Magdadaro gave Nakama a band set in diamonds that was to accompany the promise ring.

In late 2004, on one of the couple's many trips to Vegas, Magdadaro suggested they look at chapels. They visited different hotels before picking The Rio for their ceremony and the Main Street Station Hotel Casino and Brewery for their reception.

"We wanted to have a nice wedding, but we didn't want to pay $40,000 for it," Nakama said. "When we were in Vegas, we saw chapels and were like, 'Wow, this is nice.' And we knew if we gave everybody enough time, they'd all arrange vacation and come up."

During their reception, Tyler, now 10, read a speech he had written by himself. In it, he expressed how happy he was that they were finally a family.

"He said all his dreams came true," said Nakama, who was led down the aisle by her son. "Everybody was tearing up when he read that ... It was the cutest thing."

Today the family lives in Liliha. Magdadaro, 29, works as an IT systems administrator downtown, across the street from the legal office where Nakama works. They have lunch together a few times a week.

As a family, they go to the movies and play games at Dave & Buster's. Nakama and Tyler hit the library and gym together. Magdadaro enjoys throwing around balls with Tyler in front of the house or at the park, and playing video games together.

The couple's next goal is saving up enough money to buy a house and send Tyler to a private school.

Nakama is thankful she finally realized what she had in Magdadaro all along. And she's glad she didn't let him go.

"I don't know why I was so blind to see what I actually had," Nakama said, "to realize what I had in front of me, that love was right there."

Reach Catherine E. Toth at ctoth@honoluluadvertiser.com.