I hate to sound like Andy Rooney, but when did gas stations start charging for air?

All I wanted the other day was a little recreational exercise on my bicycle, which hadn't been out of the carport in months. So naturally, the tires were a little flat and, naturally, I walked the bike up to the local Shell station to pump them up a bit. Then. ...

"Fifty cents? Are they kidding me? For a little air? And water too?" Of course, I wasn't going to stand for it.

Hey, I've been faithfully attached to this station for years (for air, anyway; for gas I fill it up at the Aloha station up the highway, which is about 10 cents per gallon cheaper), but sooner or later, cost increases trump customer loyalty. There was no way I was going to pay 50 cents for something that's free for the breathing.

Fifty cents after costing nothing? That's like a 5,000 percent increase. (Yes, I know, you can't calculate percentage changes starting from zero, but if you go from 1 cent to 50 cents, that's a 4,900 percent increase, so you do the rest of the math.)

I decided to cross the street to the Chevron station, which I usually avoid because it charges $1.29 for what should be a $1.09 bottle of water, but there, too, water and air now cost 50 cents. (Anti-trust, anyone?) The sign also said I could see the attendant inside if I wanted free air, which seemed like a lot more trouble than it was worth.

So lacking 50 cents in my bicycle shorts, there were only two choices left. I could either walk the bicycle home and take a nap, or I could head to the bicycle shop down the street and buy one of those $49.95 floor pumps, which are not only expensive but require a whole lot more exercise than actually riding a bicycle around for an hour or so. I opted for the nap.

Later that day, though, I raised the question about 50-cent air with my tennis buddies, who are always willing to enthusiastically take up the subject of a good gripe and expand on it, if necessary, in order to delay the start of actually playing tennis.

The complaints started flying. Pretty soon they amounted to a virtual catalog of the way Americans are being nickeled and dimed to death. We sounded like a gaggle of Andy Rooneys:

"What about those places that charge you five cents for a cup of water?"

"Yeah, did you ever notice how Starbucks raises its prices two cents each month? Why can't they just raise it a quarter every year and be done with it?"

"Ninety-nine cents to download a song."

"Cable television? I can remember when TV was free."

"Why does a Triple-X aloha shirt cost the same as a large when it's uses three times the amount of fabric?"

"Ten cents a day for an overdue book."

Fuel surcharges. New bank fees. Hidden taxes. Late charges.

What can you do but shut up and pay? Life goes on. It was time to play tennis, which was still free in the public parks, last time I checked.

Reach Mike Leidemann at mleidemann@honoluluadvertiser.com.