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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Friday, February 3, 2006

Don't let freeloaders crash party

By Tara Solomon

Dear Advice Diva:

I invited a good friend to visit me in South Beach, Fla., for a weekend, and what was going to be a nice, relaxing time turned out to be a nightmare, thanks to the in-our-face couple she brought with her. They wanted to do everything we did, which meant my friend and I had no time to catch up. My friend didn't seem to mind the invasion of our privacy.

When "Dorothy" first asked me if she could bring this couple — because I'd really love them, we are so much alike, she claimed — she said that they would probably get a hotel room.

Well, they didn't, and I don't have to tell you how inconvenient it is to share one bathroom with three people.

Now, I'm frustrated and mad at my friend.

How should I handle this?

—No Vacancy in South Beach

Dear No Vacancy:

A free place to stay in South Beach can be a powerful lure — all the more reason to put your trusting foot down at the beginning.

Set your house rules and stick to them: Only one overnight guest allowed, all others check into a hotel. This is what you should have told Dorothy when she mentioned The Couple. But you trusted her, which isn't such a crime.

Now you know.

So what to do to silence your fuming and save a friendship? Invite Dorothy back down — alone. Tell her that while you appreciated her introducing you to her friends, the visit didn't give the two of you any time alone. She'll get the hint and you'll get what you really wanted — time with your friend.

There's no need to lash out; it appears that she was an innocent in this saga.

Dear Advice Diva:

I have been going to a church for about six months. I am interested in a lady, so I asked a friend about her. I was informed that she is not interested in any of the guys at church.

I feel like I was not even given a chance. What to do now?

— Wanting a Chance

Dear Wanting:

Quit your whining and go talk to Church Lady yourself. Even if she were interested, why would she say yes when you are too much of a coward to ask her yourself? Forget letting a friend make the romantic overture for you and do the research personally.

To lessen the chances that she'll turn you down, make your first date something any church-going gal would say yes to: Bible study.

The Advice Diva welcomes your questions — particularly the more amusing ones. Write to her at advicediva@herald.com.