GLADYS QUINTO

38, never been married

Gladys Quinto wants to settle down one day, wouldn't mind sharing her life — and her favorite couch — with someone, but only if all the pieces fit.

"I want a partner," said the petite, wellput-together 38-year-old. "I don't want to just hang out. I want someone I can grow old with. That has come with age."

Though she has never been married — she came close nearly 10 years ago — Quinto doesn't feel any pressure to find a husband, not even from her 71-year-old mother.

As the director of research and legal affairs at the Land Use Research Foundation, Quinto puts in 10-hour days — sometimes longer, now that the Legislature is back in session.

She walks with her sister, who lives two blocks from her Makiki apartment. She tries to hit the gym in the morning. And she even has a part-time job working in retail — primarily for the employee discount.

It's just that her parameters have changed.

"When I was younger, it was spontaneous; I just wanted to be with someone," Quinto said. "But now it takes more than just love and passion. It takes real compatibility."

Funny and personable, Quinto makes friends easily and isn't afraid to be alone. She stops for drinks at Longhi's solo and takes in movies by herself. She's even traveled alone. (Her last big trip was to Rio de Janeiro in 2003.)

"What am I going to do? Wait around for someone to go with? No way," Quinto said matter-of-factly.

She has dabbled with online match sites, tried speed-dating, both unsuccessfully.

Aside from the man factor, everything in Quinto's life has fallen into place.

"I wouldn't jeopardize that for a relationship," said Quinto, who earned a law degree from the University of Hawai'i-Manoa. "I've worked so hard to get to where I am, and the guy has to be understanding of that."

Some of her friends wonder why Quinto's still single. She's smart, articulate and attractive, with the kind of caramel skin and tiny frame many women would envy.

Close friend Elyze McDonald theorizes Quinto is single because she just hasn't found her equal.

"She's a terrific person, and I can't explain why (she's still single)," said McDonald, an attorney from Guam, who's also single at 28. In the end, McDonald chalks it up to fate: "If she was meant to find somebody by now, she would've."

Quinto says she wants to live life without wondering about the what-ifs, even when it comes to dating.

"Someone once told me you have to live your life like there's no Prince Charming, because he may never come," she said. "So I try to live life with no regrets."

But after heartache and disappointment, she's finding that philosophy difficult to apply to her romantic life.

"I can be a completely different person when it comes to the affairs of the heart," said Quinto, who seems more outgoing than shy. "I'm not a huge risktaker when it comes to love. And I never used to be that way. I guess once you get hurt, you get jaded."

The only thing harder than finding a boyfriend, she says, is finding other single women to hang out with.

Her group of unattached girlfriends has shrunk, as many of them have gotten married, had children or moved away.

So she joined a dinner club that meets for drinks and meals regularly. Most members are single, but finding a mate isn't the focus. And Quinto likes that.

"I'll just go and do stuff and not expect to meet anybody," she said.

Quinto's self-sufficiency is far from the stereotype of the husband-hunting singleton, but she hasn't given up on the notion of partnership.

In the sphere of singledom, Quinto feels pretty normal. She knows what she wants and what makes her happy.

And if marriage isn't in her future, she'll manage. It's not the end of the world.

"I've waited this long," Quinto said. "I am in no rush to settle for settling's sake."

CRYSTAL SHAW

63, divorced

Married three times, Crystal Shaw isn't looking for a husband.

At 63, she wants a companion, someone to roam around the world with.

In fact, she's not sure why she got married in the first place, to her high school sweetheart 43 years ago in Chicago.

Back then, she said, it was just the thing to do.

"All my peers were getting married; it's what you did," said Shaw, who's lived in a VW van and traveled cross-country on a HarleyDavidson motorcycle. "It was the pattern you followed."

By the time Shaw realized her marriage wasn't working out, she was 22, with a baby and without a college education.

"I was terrified," she admitted. "It was scary."

But she did have someone to look up to: her mother, a working single mother of two.

If she could do it, so could Shaw. She filed for divorce.

"(My mother) was my role model for independence," Shaw said. "She had it rough. So that made me want to be smarter, to be better, to get a better job, to have a better life."

Three years later, Shaw married a second time, to a man who provided stability in her life. He adopted her son, Tom, and the family moved to Northern California.

But that marriage lasted as long as the romance. They divorced after four years.

"I knew I didn't have to stay (in the relationship)," Shaw said. "I knew in my heart I could have a better life, that I'd be OK."

Single again, Shaw took the time to bond with her young son. Working for an airline, she was able to travel the world. The pair took weeklong trips to Europe, spent a summer in Guatemala and vacationed every December in the U.S. Virgin Islands.

During the summer of 1980, before her son's senior year in high school, Shaw visited friends in Kona. She fell in love with the laid-back fishing town. When her son enrolled in college that summer, she moved to the Big Island.

Shaw lounged on the beach by day and waitressed at night. "Life," she said dreamily, "was good."

Two years after moving to Hawai'i, Shaw met another man, equally passionate about life. They rode motorcycles together and dreamed of owning a boat.

Not interested in marrying a third time, she reluctantly wed him in 1985.

"He had to convince me," Shaw said. That marriage ended after three years.

Since 1988, Shaw has had just one other serious relationship, with a man who took her across the United States on the back of a Harley. They wound up in the Florida Keys, where they broke up. Shaw next returned to Sonoma County to live with her son and his family.

She tried meeting men through Yahoo! Personals and eHarmony.com, with no luck.

Now in her 60s, she's finding it difficult to pair up with a companion — not a husband — who meets her requirements.

"My biggest issue right now is that most men my age are either married or want someone much younger," Shaw said.

Last year, she returned to Hawai'i — this time O'ahu — after retiring as an administrative assistant. She rents a bedroom from a friend in Kaimuki.

Three days a week, she volunteers at Street Beat, a nonprofit that helps Hawai'i's homeless. She studies Buddhism, walks, takes yoga classes and swims.

The rest of her time is devoted to painting, a passion she discovered in high school.

She has dreams of becoming a visionary artist, of putting something on the canvas that goes beyond the knowing, she said. Right now, though, she's finishing an acrylic painting of her friend's Alaskan malamutes.

"I've probably lived a lot more than most people my age," said Shaw, who wears her hair in carefree long curls. "It's in my spirit."

She's satisfied with her life, but misses "that companionship, that intimacy. ... I can do all these fun things by myself, but it's so much more fun with someone."

MICHAEL FERGUSON

58, widowed

Michael Ferguson hates being alone.

The 58-year-old retired salesman from Texas has been married four times — and he'd do it again in a heartbeat.

"I can't enjoy anything without a partner," said Ferguson, a self-described romantic who loves cuddling in bed. "I have no joy without a companion, no joy in my life whatsoever. It's just another day."

Despite his penchant for partnership, Ferguson filed for divorce three times before meeting his fourth wife — his soul mate — who died of cancer in 2003.

"I do have a history of brief relationships," he says, acknowledging he didn't get it right the first three times. "I just think I can make a quick decision when I find the right one."

And Ferguson desperately wanted to be with someone. "There are no advantages to being single," Ferguson said, his blue eyes twinkling. "Nothing. I hate being single every single day."

In 1997, Ferguson, thrice-divorced and living in Seattle, spoke to a woman over the phone, an account executive at his company. She lived in El Paso, Texas. He fell instantly in love — before they even met.

"It didn't matter if she were 500 pounds," Ferguson said. "I loved her."

After a few visits, Ferguson couldn't bear living in different cities. So he sold everything he had in Seattle and quit his job after 25 years to move to El Paso.

"She was the love of my life," said Ferguson, leaning back in a couch near the pool at his apartment building, near Ward Avenue. "She was my soul mate. I'll never find anyone like her again."

He had always wanted to have a marriage like his parents' 57-year union. "They used to hold hands everywhere and giggled like kids," Ferguson said, smiling. "They were still in love. That's what I wanted."

But while on vacation in Hawai'i — his parents moved here 30 years ago — for their one-year wedding anniversary, the couple got some bad news.

Ferguson's wife, who had been suffering from abdominal pain, was diagnosed with a rare stomach cancer. She died eight months later at age 50.

"I was in denial for a long time," Ferguson said, still pained by her death. "I always assumed I'd go first. I'm sure I'm not through grieving yet."

Three weeks later, his father died from a stroke. Ferguson packed up his belongings and moved to O'ahu to live with his mother, now 78 and a cancer survivor.

Ferguson works twice a week selling furniture in Kaka'ako. Every morning he walks six miles from his apartment, around Ala Moana Beach Park and back. And most nights he's at TGI Friday's on Ward Avenue, making friends and taking advantage of the drink specials.

He's actively looking for a mate, from trying Match.com to venturing to the Ocean Club. Now he's entertaining the idea of volunteering or joining the Sierra Club, in hopes of meeting a woman in her 50s, widowed and a great dancer.

"If we're in love, that person would be my whole life," Ferguson said. "I'm faithful; I'll do funny things for them, the kind of things most men wouldn't think of."

BRANDON SUYEOKA

28, never been married

Being single doesn't define Brandon Suyeoka.

"It is what it is," said Suyeoka, a 28-year-old advertising account executive, drinking a blended green tea drink after working out one Saturday morning. "It's not like I'm actively looking. Every day you just wake up and live your life."

The last serious relationship Suyeoka had was back in college. He met his girlfriend through mutual friends while on Christmas break during his freshman year at Whitworth College. Their long-distance relationship lasted just over two years.

Suyeoka has been single — and dating — since 1998. And he's not complaining.

"I enjoy just living life as it is," said Suyeoka, an athletic guy who lives near Diamond Head. "I like going out and doing whatever I want, not having to check in."

Though he wouldn't mind having someone to hang out with on rainy afternoons, he's not obsessed with finding a girlfriend.

He's not into online dating and he hardly prowls clubs or bars on a mission to find a date. He does the usual guy stuff — singing karaoke and playing poker with friends, playing tennis and golf — whether that puts him in proximity of potential girlfriends or not.

And if he did find a girlfriend, she'd have to be low-maintenance, athletic and look good without make-up. That is, if he were looking.

"I figure the more you think about it, the more you'll just shoot yourself in the foot," he said.

Suyeoka isn't pressured by his parents, now divorced, to get married. But they do wonder — like many of his friends — why he doesn't have a girlfriend.

He figures he's just too picky. And his motives for dating have changed as he's gotten older.

"Before, it used to be, 'Where are we going to eat dinner?' Now, it's, 'Can I spend the rest of my life with this person?' " Suyeoka said. "You shouldn't be thinking about that, but you do."

And what he looks for — or what he finds attractive — in a woman has changed, too.

"Now I'm looking at career and goals," Suye-oka said. "The picture became bigger."

In high school, Suyeoka thought he would be married by the time he reached 30.

"Yeah, but I also thought I was going to be a doctor, too," he quickly added with a smile.

There are upsides to being single. "I can do anything I want and with who I want," Suyeoka said.

But he does want to get married someday, maybe have kids. He just doesn't feel any urgency to settle down now.

"Before that happens, you have to meet someone," he said. "And if you meet someone it's not like you want to rush it for the sake of getting married."

The hardest part about being single is dealing with the fact that a lot of his friends are getting married and starting families. That means they don't hang out as much.

Oh, and there's one more downside to being single.

"Being asked why I don't have a girlfriend," he said, smiling.