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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Monday, January 30, 2006

Mom, Dad — It's time to let go

By Dawn Sagario

There's a story that Dan Nagy likes to tell that sounds like the stuff of urban legend among job recruiters.

His voice still has that hint of incredulity — the whole situation just sounds bizarre — as he recalls one experience of an interviewer who said a mother showed up for a job interview for her 18-year-old daughter, who was "too busy" to make it.

Nagy, associate dean at the Fuqua School of Business at Duke University, says he's heard some outlandish tales about how far parents will go to these days to ensure that their kids get good jobs — but this one, he chuckles, takes the cake.

It's just one example of a phenomenon known among college officials and recruiters as "helicopter parents" — overbearing adults of the baby boomer generation who have hovered over their Generation-Y kids, always swooping in at a moment's notice to eliminate any adversity in their child's life.

Generation Y — those born from 1978 to 1984, or 1980 to 1994, depending on whose research you're looking at — is nearly 53 million strong, compared with about 40 million Gen-Xers, Nagy said. And Generation Y is toting more than iPods and Blackberries into the workplace.

Sometimes, parents who are taking a hands-on approach to their kids' careers are part of the package.

How hands-on?

I heard a range of anecdotes — everything from one parent calling a recruiter to ask why a child wasn't hired for a job, to an adult sitting in a waiting room while the kid was completing a job interview.

And how about this one: One parent wanted to negotiate a child's job salary.

To be fair, it is tough to make a broad generalization about a group because there will always be exceptions.

Nagy said that while many in this young work force have been described as technologically savvy, multitaskers and hard-working, the powerful influence of their parents is undeniable.

"I think it's more of a phenomenon of this age group," said Eric Chester, founder and president of Generation Why Inc., in Lakewood, Colo. One reason for the trend is the delay in the age of independence among children.

In past generations, kids struck out on their own at 18. "Now you've got kids at 26 that are still relying way too heavily on Mom and Dad," Chester said, referring to young adults camping out at home, getting their laundry done by mom and not having to cough up money for rent.

He said such lack of responsibility ultimately translates into the workplace — and an inability to make difficult decisions quickly and with confidence.

"I want to know that you know how to make a good decision, that you can choose the difficult right over the easy wrong," he said.

"Living at home is just a manifestation of an epidemic. And it's irresponsibility."

Nagy said living at home also provides young people with the mentality that they've always got a safety net in their parents.

The fear of losing, or leaving, a job is tempered by the assurance that Mom and Pop will be there to take care of them.

While it's great that some parents are very involved in their children's lives, he said, some parents become "enablers" for their kids.

It's a 180-degree shift from parents of the Gen-Xers, who ultimately grew up as latchkey kids because their parents were too busy to spend time with them, Nagy said.

World events — terrorist attacks, the rising cost of living and school shootings — make parents cling even tighter to their children. They want to protect them from everything out in the "big, bad world," said Chester, author of "Getting Them to Give a Damn: How to Get Your Front Line to Care About Your Bottom Line" and "Employing Generation Why? Understanding, Managing and Motivating Your New Workforce."

Chester said parents forget that kids must fall down sometimes, get scuffed up once in a while, and must face the consequences of failure — "they've got to have some scars."

And instead of helping, overbearing parents' overzealous interventions can be harmful.

Nagy used an example of how a job recruiter made an offer to a 21-year-old Harvard graduate whose response was that her dad advised her not to take the first job offered to her. That kind of advice can kill a job opportunity, Nagy said.

Lori Strottman said that in the 20 years she has been in the personnel business, she has had "less than a handful" of parents call her to inquire about why a child didn't get a job.

"We don't see a lot of that," said Strottman, president of the Central Iowa Chapter of the Society for Human Resource Management. "At least not yet. And hopefully we never will."

She says she does see a lack of understanding of corporate etiquette, especially among twentysomethings. One example: Workers having their mothers or roommates call in sick for them.

"(It's) just not taking responsibility, or not being accountable for their own actions," said Strottman, who suggests it's parents' job to teach children correct behavior.