Once is a while, a marriage is put to the test.

Recently, my marriage was under investigation when I won an all-expenses-paid trip to the Oscars, including a night out with Halle Berry! OK, OK, that is a lie. I won no such thing, but my marriage did survive a major home-improvement project, which is no less destructive than a night out with Angelina Jolie.

As a social worker and family therapist, I generally disapprove of tests. They are invitations for disaster. For example, you cannot safely test fidelity, anger management or sobriety.

If your buddy, who has been on the wagon, invites you to the local bar to test his sobriety, don't do it. It will turn into a bender, trust me. Never play with fire ... or firewater, for that matter.

Anger-management problem? I would suggest passing on the full contact, no-holds-barred fight night.

Fidelity issues? Stay away from all strip clubs and hostess bars.

As it turns out, you can fantasize all you want about Halle Berry or Angelina Jolie, for that matter ... you do not have a chance, or so my wife keeps telling me.

Still, if you insist on testing your marriage, I suggest a large home-improvement project, preferably of the do-it-yourself variety.

I'm talking about the six-month job that leaves your little sanctuary in tatters, your back aching and your spirit crushed. Yeah, that will test the ol' "I do," let me tell you.

It came to a head for my wife and I when we were laying tile in the living room and we began to lose our lines and our minds.

When laying tile, it is critical that the grout lines stay straight and evenly spaced. Like a good marriage, straight and narrow is best.

As we neared the home stretch with just 25 square feet to go and nearly a thousand square feet completed, our lines got fat.

I threw the trowel to the ground and cursed out loud. My wife dealt with her frustration in her own imitable way. She went silent! So there we were, a perfect pair; one unable to keep his trap shut and the other essentially mute.

Interestingly, most people offer comfort based on what they themselves would want rather than on the needs of their partner. My wife and I, despite 17 years of marriage, were no exception. She silently put her arm around my waist and I offered words of encouragement.

It did not work, we had it backwards. We were each responding to our own needs instead of the needs of our partner.

A little while later, I pulled up behind her and gave her a big bear hug. She turned around and said that we could recover our lines by cheating a bit on each row. (Cheating is great when tiling, but is bad for marriages.)

It took awhile, but we each hit the mark. She needed quiet comfort and I needed dialogue and a bit of problem solving.

Testing a marriage is never a good idea, but sometimes you have no choice. The key is in your willingness to be there for your partner in the way that he or she needs you. You will make some mistakes — life, like tiling, is all about trowel and error — but if you are committed to the relationship you will recover your lines and things will straighten out.

Michael C. DeMattos is on the faculty at the University of Hawai'i school of social work. He lives in Kane'ohe with his wife, daughter and two dogs.