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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Friday, March 10, 2006

Instead of snooping, just ask

By Tara Solomon

Dear Advice Diva:

The other week I was at the movies and noticed a very attractive young woman. She noticed me, too, and our eyes locked for a moment. I forgot all about it until I was sitting in the theater waiting for the movie to start and saw her again, but she was not alone; she was with someone I know. I could not tell whether they were dating or just friends.

I want to ask my friend if he is dating her but, knowing how he is, he will say that he is just to keep me away from her. He is very competitive and will not want me in the way.

What should I do? I don't have any other way to find her.

R.M.

Dear R.M.:

The best way to snoop on the sly is to patiently observe and resist the urge to ask all kinds of telltale questions. If you buddy up to your friend and spend enough time with him, his involvement with your mystery woman, if any, will soon surface. Suggest bowling or, natch, the movies with some friends and see who he brings.

Or just be direct it's so much easier: "I saw you and your new girl at the movies." Let him take it from there to fill in the blanks.

DIVA'S MAIL BAG

Dear Advice Diva:

My advice to the young man who recently rebounded from "mental illness" (although, as an editor I would point out that mental illnesses, like physical illnesses, occur in great variety, as well as in great degree):

First, speak to your friends, giving each a chance. What you are experiencing (old friends distancing themselves) is not unusual. Illness makes some people uncomfortable, even when it is over. You want a chance, therefore it makes sense to give one, as well.

Harold A. Maio, former consulting editor, Psychiatric Rehabilitation Journal, Boston University

The Advice Diva welcomes your questions particularly the more amusing ones. Write her at advicediva@miamiherald.com.