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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Monday, March 13, 2006

It's OK to have an office spouse

By Dawn Sagario

You know you have an "office spouse" when:

A) You're a girl who has lunch with the same guy friend at work every single day.

B) You're a guy who reserves midafternoon smoke breaks with the same female co-worker. And you take turns buying cigarettes.

C) You're a guy and girl who frequently engage in invective-laced vent sessions on how idiotic your bosses are. And continue griping during the lunches and breaks.

If you answered yes to any or all of the above, then you're guilty. You have an "office spouse" relationship.

The good news is:

1) You can't get in trouble with human resources.

2) You can be a polygamist, with no threat of jail time.

3) The arrangement comes minus the trauma and drama of breakups or divorce (the potential risks of office romances and marriages).

The office spouse is a phenomenon that career professionals call the newest twist on workplace relationships. They are platonic, very close, opposite-sex couplings, with no romantic strings attached.

A recent workplace survey found that 32 percent of workers say they have an "office husband" or "office wife."

"(It's) really hitting its stride this year," said Mark Oldman, co-founder of Vault Inc. The career information company published the survey results in January.

Longer hours in the office have fueled the trend, Oldman said, along with the television culture (Think Jim and Pam in the NBC show "The Office," but without that off-and-on sexual tension.) So has a changing workplace climate — waning loyalty to companies and more prevalent job-hopping are causing co-workers to turn to one another for support.

He said the increased acceptance of the office spouses' forerunner, the workplace romance, contributes to greater acceptance of these alliances.

"It's more of a personal relationship in the workplace," Oldman said, "as opposed to a purely project-oriented or work-minded relationship."

When employees have close bonds with co-workers, they're typically happier. And when workers are happier, experts say, they're more productive.

The platonic, cubicle-spawned work relationships present an exciting prospect for females because the trend is helping to dismantle the old boys' network, said John Challenger, chief executive of Challenger, Gray & Christmas job placement service.

"What's emerging in this era where men and women are working together as colleagues and peers ... are relationships that form between men and women that are really strong," Challenger said.

Women represent 51 percent of the country's 48.5 million workers in management and professional occupations, Challenger said. Office spouse relationships are most likely to form in these jobs.

In addition, Generation X and Y workers came of age witnessing gender parity in college and later when entering the workforce, he said. Parity in these relationships is the norm for younger generations.

Nan Rutter isn't surprised by the rise of congenial office relationships. The president of Rutter Communications in Des Moines said these collegial relationships are part of a broader trend — harried workers want more out of their jobs.

Key in these opposite-sex friendships is honest, frank communication between all parties involved, including a true spouse, Rutter said. Keeping this relationship from your hubby or wife can lead to jealousies and accusations of infidelity.

"There's sexual fidelity, and then there's emotional fidelity," she said. Some might think it's a breach of the latter, she said.

In general, a close friendship at work is a positive thing. People who are social tend to be healthier, Rutter said, while those who isolate themselves are more likely to become ill.

"I think any friendship brings benefits to both parties," said Rutter, "if it's a true friendship and people are mutually supporting one another."

Dawn Sagario writes for The Des Moines (Iowa) Register.