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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Sunday, May 7, 2006

'Scott Northfield'? Sorry, wrong number

By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist

Admit it. This latest story made you miss the Great Man. Things were more entertaining when he was around. There were high-maka parties, where guys in silk shirts and white pants sipped mixed drinks in glass tumblers with pineapple spears and mint springs; the ill-advised surprise candidate endorsement on a TV commercial that made you hack up your stew and rice dinner; Ted Hong spitting indignant bullets, Kitty Lagareta all habut, Paul Costello quoting show tunes and always some "kela mea whiffa" drifting down from College Hill.

Fun times.

David McClain would no sooner get ensnarled in a Crank-Yankers-type melodrama than he would threaten to run for local elected office. He's just seems too ... normal for that kind of stuff.

But Evan Dobelle, now there's a guy with a flair for theatrics. Even if he didn't pose as a journalist and call the University of Maine to find out how much the job of university chancellor might pay, folks readily assume that he did. No one would put it past him. McClain? Nah. No ways. Not the type. Dobelle? Ha, ha. That guy. He always up to something, no?

Well, SOMEBODY called the University of Maine to ask how much the soon-to-be-vacant job pays (probably could just Google that info, yeah?) and left a fake name and a fake phone number. Said he was an intern named Scott Northfield from The Chronicle of Higher Education. Must be cousin to "Sonny from Kapolei."

But, as any drug dealer, fan of "Law & Order" or 12-year-old busted making prank phone calls will tell you, always assume that your phone number can be traced. The University of Maine checked their caller ID. There was Dobelle's cell phone number. A reporter from the Chronicle of Higher Education called to find out eh, who's this Scott Northfield guy who says he works here when we don't have a Scott Northfield working here. And ai-ya, Dobelle answered.

Fast, real fast, Dobelle had the story about how the Scott Northfield guy called him, too, and that he was just forwarding the message to the University of Maine. But as any drug dealer, fan of "Law and Order" or 12-year-old busted for lying will tell you, your cover story gotta' be better than that. A lie on top of a lie doesn't make the first one go away. It just makes it bigger.

What makes this whole thing even more entertaining is that it is so manini. Why didn't Scotty from Kapolei just call and say who he was straight up? Not like he was calling a 1-900 number for questionable conversation or anything. There wasn't anything illegal, immoral or untoward to hide. He wanted to know how much the job paid, not the secret code to set off the nuclear missile. Big deal. Why hide?

Ah, but the incident really was a sweet reminder of how things used to be when stuff was so much slicker and plot-driven up at the Manoa campus.

And there's Kitty Lagareta, arms crossed, head shaking, going, "I told you so! I told you so!"

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.