This year, I've been stressing over getting my mother flowers for Mother's Day.

The first flower shop I visited was all out of roses, and my only choice would be an ordinary bouquet of carnations and tuberose.

Then I found the perfect bouquet of pink roses online — affordable at $39.99. I clicked on the item to proceed to checkout, and a sentence in red appeared: "Sorry ... not available for delivery to Alaska or Hawai'i."

I found myself in a state of anxiety, trying to decide which local flower shops to visit so late in the game.

The occasion was never so stressful for me before. In fact, I can't even remember when I started buying flowers for my mother on this invented day of appreciation. And why am I obsessed over this problem, as if the absence of the act would mean I don't love my mother? If I didn't get flowers delivered, she'd know I still love her just the same.

Maybe it is because I've started to treat Mother's Day like it's the one and only time I have to show my appreciation — like a day of obligation rather than a moment of thanks.

Maybe I would not worry so much about flowers being delivered if I treated every day like Mother's Day.

There are so many things our mothers teach us every day in life that we hardly notice. For instance, recently I heard my boyfriend's mother ask if he was going to "bocha." In Japan, it means "to splash about in the water," and the family uses it to mean "take a bath." I knew what the term meant, but had never used it as part of my vocabulary, even though both my parents are of Japanese ancestry.

Just as my boyfriend's vocabulary and understanding of culture is influenced by his mother, my mother shaped the way I was raised.

Ever since I was a child, she has encouraged me to follow any path that excited me. In elementary school, she paid for my afterschool ceramics and painting classes. In high school, she supported my piano lessons every weekend.

She also strongly encouraged education. After I graduated from high school, my mother expected me to attend college so that I could have better opportunities. Of course, I agreed with her.

But then, after college, my mother asked me, "Are you going to graduate school now?" Sadly, I said no.

My parents often emphasized the importance of education, as do many Asian families. Children of Hawai'i, in my experience, are generally taught that education is the key to success. In Dennis Ogawa's "Kodomo No Tame Ni: The Japanese Experience in Hawaii," he describes how Japanese immigrants carried certain aspects of their culture to Hawai'i. He says education, work and perseverance were highly valued among the Japanese community. Immigrant families tried to maintain values such as filial piety, respect for the community and seiko, the drive for success. Japanese people felt all these values benefited their social and economic status.

University of Hawai'i 2004 graduate Leah Young says her family played a huge part in her continuing education. "Education has always (been) stressed," says Young of her family, "... as a way to improve myself, and to allow myself to achieve my goals and full potential."

Young is attending graduate school at Trinity University in San Antonio, Texas.

Similarly, 25-year-old Kaimuki resident Brenda Higashimoto said her parents always emphasized education and good grades. "They would always say, 'If it has to do with school, we'll find a way to pay for it.' " After high school, Higashimoto's parents helped pay her way to the University of Washington.

None of my grandparents attended college. When they had children, however, their children were expected to graduate from a university. And now that my parents are college graduates, I must be expected to attend graduate school.

All parents, no matter what ethnicity, desire better things for their children. Although this situation may create a sense of disappointment, I take notice of my parents' true intentions.

The children of Hawai'i are naturally influenced by their parents. When I have children, I would definitely expect more from them as well. I would also teach them skills my mother taught me in order to maintain tradition.

Young says she would also hand down the cultural practices her parents taught her, including Chinese cuisine. The dishes her mother prepares, such as won ton and char siu bao (Chinese steamed buns filled with barbecue pork) are Young's favorites.

As for my family, even though we don't cook very often, my mother still has some noteworthy recipes. Ever since she showed me her famous recipe for gingerbread cookies, I've been baking cookies every Christmas. Hopefully, this recipe will carry on when my children are born.

The dishes our mothers hand down to us are a perpetuation of culture from one generation to another. Often, we don't notice what role our mothers play in our lives.

Now that Mother's Day is here, let's reconsider it as a once-a-year time to reflect on how we treat, love and appreciate our mothers. Sure, sending flowers for the occasion is thoughtful, but how does it compare to our daily actions?

Kristin Uyemura, 24, is a secretary at the East-West Center. She graduated from the University of Hawai'i-Manoa in May 2005 with a B.A. in English and American Studies. Her maternal grandparents built the Pacific Heights house where she was born and now lives with her parents.