The trip is too arduous.

The weather is too hot.

The season is too long.

They never wanted to come anyway.

To hear Purdue football coach Joe Tiller tell it yesterday in a plaintive media conference call lacking only violins, it sure sounded like the Boilermakers had all the familiar excuses set up, in case they lose to the University of Hawai'i Saturday night at Aloha Stadium.

Now, if only the offense, defense and special teams were as well aligned and ready, the Boilermakers might not need any of them.

Too bad the old standby, Western Athletic Conference officiating, was rendered moot when UH caved in last year to the Big Ten and began bringing in Pac-10 crews.

Of course, Tiller also alluded to the real reason, one of them certainly, for the woe-is-us chorus when he said, "... and we're going to play against a team that we won't see the likes of offensively maybe ever again as long as you are playing football. And this happens to be one of the great Hawai'i teams. You don't know that when you're scheduling them."

Indeed, if the Boilermakers had played this game when it was originally scheduled (2002), they would have found a good UH team, but not one of this potency. Not one on this much of a roll. "We should have gone ahead and played it three years ago if we knew then they were going to have this good of a team," Tiller lamented.

Funny how that works.

Back in 1998, when UH was in the midst of an 0-12 season and the three worst years in school history, nobody was calling to cancel games. Northwestern, which beat UH, 47-21 that season, had no problem keeping a date for 2004. Nobody in the Big Ten was complaining about officiating, humidity or counting miles. Everybody was signing up for a vacation.

But after the Warriors started winning, well, they can't jump off the schedule fast enough. After UH beat Northwestern and Michigan State in 2004, paradise has become Devil's Island. Michigan State has announced it won't be coming next year for a Nov. 27 game and Purdue said it had half a mind to do so.

You can't blame Tiller much. He's just beaten the in-state school, Indiana, and where he'd like to be is celebrating on the beach with a cold one in his hand. Not worrying about a football game. Where he needs to be is in Terre Haute, Ind. recruiting a tight end. Looking for a wide receiver in Winimac or a guard in Greencastle.

Instead, while Iowa and Penn State are out on the recruiting trail in the Midwest, Tiller is scheduled to be 4,400 miles away. You don't close the gap on Ohio State and Michigan from Kalakaua Avenue much as the traveling alumni might like the view.

But you might widen it from Halawa if your team loses to UH. Try selling recruits on how you're ready to challenge for the Big Ten championship and a Bowl Championship Series berth if you lose here, even to the 25th-ranked team.

Reach Ferd Lewis at flewis@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8044.