The drug use started in high school.

Her friends were doing it, so she picked it up, beginning a habit that would haunt her for nearly two decades. The 34-year-old mother is now clean and trying to make up lost years with the ones she loves.

She is working to regain custody of two of her children, ages 12 and 8, wants to get a job to support her 6-month-old girl, and is slowly rebuilding trust with her parents, who have raised her two oldest kids.

"They're kind of traumatized by what I did," said the woman, who started using crystal meth-amphetamine at 15 years old. "I regret it every day.

"But I'm happier now. I thank God for my place."

This Christmas, the woman, who asked not to be identified, wants to provide a little warmth for her children with some presents and a crib for her youngest.

It will be her first sober holiday season with her kids in years, and she wants to make it memorable. She said her two oldest children, who stay with her on the weekends, love Monopoly and video games, but she can't afford to buy board games and toys. They also need new clothes.

The 8-year-old wears size 8 pants in boys and medium shirts. The 12-year-old wears size 12 in boys and medium to large shirts.

The youngest needs outfits in size 6 months to 12 months.

The mother said she has been sober for 10 months, since entering the Salvation Army Women's Way drug treatment program. In the past, she had been sober for one- to two-year stints. "I just needed to stop," she said.

"I wanted to get my kids back, plus I was pregnant."

Despite drug use during pregnancy, the baby is healthy, she said. The mother said she is appealing the loss of her parental rights for her older children and is eager to start a new life with her kids as a responsible mother.

She and her infant receive welfare, but she will lose her benefits in 10 months. After the holidays, she said, she'll start trying to find childcare for her baby and a good job to support the family.

Reach Mary Vorsino at mvorsino@honoluluadvertiser.com.