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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Monday, October 23, 2006

ABOUT MEN
Extended family hard to replace

By Peter Boylan
Advertiser Columnist

The last of my parents' siblings died Oct. 3, when Norman Anthony Constantino passed in his sleep at the age of 55 in his home in Provo, Utah.

A devoted Latter-day Saint, Norman had been battling diabetes and congestive heart failure, but still made it to work five days a week and performed his duties as a counselor and teacher of troubled youth.

I saw the man once a year for as long as I can remember.

A former three-sport high school athlete who was equal parts compassionate and stern, Norman taught me how to lift weights when I was 12 and how to bite my tongue after receiving a verbal lashing from his sister. I didn't always succeed at the latter, and Norman always made sure I paid for it.

Norman always preached kindness and respect for everyone. He told me to be polite, treat women with kindness, and to always smile when dealing with tough times. He also shared my fanaticism for sports, especially college and professional football. We both irritated my grandparents and mother one Christmas morning when we hurried through the gift-opening to get to the Aloha Bowl in time to tailgate.

Norman was the last of my blood uncles, as my dad's brothers Ray and Bernie both beat him to heaven's gate. Norman's passing was so sudden, his father had a heart attack and had to be hospitalized.

All of my parents' brothers lived on my life's periphery as they all resided in either Chicago or Utah. Their influence on my life and the lessons they taught came in sporadic bursts, but the bonds of blood are strong. And as each uncle died I saw a piece of my heritage disappear.

My greatest regret is I never really knew them.

I had postcards, letters, gifts and scattered memories, but I never spent substantial time with them.

As a kid, I envied my peers who were always hanging out with their parents' brothers and sisters. As an adult I wished I knew my parents' siblings if only to gain new perspectives on my parents' lives.

Family members are precious commodities whether you like them or not.

Thankfully I was blessed with Ned and Kamaile Shultz, who are not only my godparents by baptism but a second set of parents I've known all my life. They welcomed me into their family and created a calabash set of Wong uncles and aunts. My sister's godparents, David and Nery Heenan, have behaved like blood since before my sister and I were born.

Couple that with my father's close friends like Stretch Pellegrin and Kem Lowry and my sister and I have been blessed with plenty of positive, supportive adult influences who know our parents inside and out.

Parents are a child's foundation, but uncles and aunts add a dimension to the family dynamic that is not easily articulated and never replaced.

Reach Peter Boylan at pboylan@honoluluadvertiser.com. Read his daily blog at blogs.honoluluadvertiser.com.