honoluluadvertiser.com

Sponsored by:

Comment, blog & share photos

Log in | Become a member
The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Signs of overscheduled kids

By Lottie L. Joiner
Gannett News Service

You're taking your little one to yet another scheduled activity. He seems fine and says he's not stressed, but how do you know? What signs should you look for to recognize when a child is overscheduled?

Many children, experts say, will not tell their parents when they are overwhelmed for fear of disappointing them. Instead, they internalize their guilt. But the fact that they're under pressure usually comes out in other ways, including unexplained medical conditions and changes in behavior or school grades.

Psychologist Dr. David Elkind of Tufts University says signs of stress vary depending on the age of the child. Young children, for example, may have stomachaches or headaches. They may pull their hair or pick their nose. School-age children, he says, act out in other ways. There's usually an abrupt change in behavior: Grades suffer and once outgoing children become withdrawn.

"Too many children are misdiagnosed as ADHD when in fact they're under a lot of stress and their behavior is simply a result of that," says Elkind.

Also, a child may be overscheduled if he or she always asks "Do I have to?" whenever it's time for a planned activity.

"If it's a constant battle to get the kid to go somewhere that's a sign," says Dr. Denise Pope of the Stressed Out Students Project at Stanford University.

When a child is always tired or doesn't have time to complete homework assignments, these may also be indicators that there's too much on his or her plate.

Some adolescents deal with stress the same way adults do, says Elkind, "drinking, drugs and all the rest."

Once you recognize some of the signs of stress, what should you do?

Pope suggests scaling back some activities. For example, students may opt not to do artistic activities such as drama or music during heavy sports seasons. She also recommends older kids choose between participating in sports every season and taking Advanced Placement courses.

"Are you doing the sport because you love it or because you think you're going to get a scholarship?" says Pope. "You have to sit down and really figure out what's important to you as a family."

Elkind agrees. He says parents must let kids know that it's OK not to be in so many activities.

"Kids are often really relieved because they're often doing something to please their parents," says Elkind. "It's refreshing for them to hear that it's OK for them to do less."