NEW YORK — Bruce Mulkey and Shonnie Lavender have a lot in common when it comes to love and marriage, but not when it comes to money.

Mulkey and Lavender met more than a decade ago while training for a marathon. They married in 1999 and shared their thinking about marital commitment in their book "I Do! I Do! The Marriage Vow Workbook."

But the Asheville, N.C., couple said it took them a long time to figure out how to handle their finances together.

"Shonnie is a saver," said Mulkey. "Me, I'm an avoider. I always felt that if someone else would handle money for me, I'd be a happy man."

Financial opposites often attract — spenders vs. savers, strict budgeters vs. impulsives, risk takers vs. risk avoiders. Experts say this doesn't have to threaten a relationship — as long as couples can communicate about it and find money systems that work for them.

"It's OK to be opposite, it's OK to disagree," said financial adviser Bambi Holzer. "You just need to have that conversation so you know about those differences, so it's out in the open."

Holzer, author of "Financial Bliss — A Couple's Guide to Merging Money Styles and Building a Rich Life Together," also suggests couples have their money talk sooner rather than later.

"When you think there's something serious there, like you're talking about moving in together or meeting each other's families or getting engaged, have that financial first date," she said.

For Mulkey, a writer who is 63, and Lavender, 35, an Internet consultant, the idea for their money management solution came during a seminar they attended last fall, and what they like about it most is its simplicity.

The couple purchased six bowls — two purple, two red and two blue — and each month they divide their money into them, Lavender said. About 55 percent goes into one bowl for necessities, and the rest is divided up into other bowls for charitable giving, retirement and investment, education, saving for big items like a new washer and dryer, and recreation.

Mulkey said he's happy with the system because the money is organized around goals, which he can identify with. Lavender likes the fact that they can actually see money accumulating before it's transferred to the safety of bank accounts.

And, she said, because the two make their money decisions together, "it feels like we have much more of an equal partnership now."

Holzer, the financial adviser who is based in Beverly Hills, Calif., said money has become a bigger factor in making or breaking relationships because people have access to a lot more financial information than they did in the past.

"Then there's the advent of the credit card phenomenon, which has couples facing a lot of debt while just a generation ago, the children of the Great Depression paid everything with cash," she said.

The key to communicating about money, Holzer emphasized, is "to listen to each other ... and then work together in a way that's going to eliminate the stress and strain."

In some cases that means finding a budgeting mechanism like Mulkey's and Lavender's bowls; or setting up three checking accounts — his, hers and ours; or seeking professional help.

HERE ARE TIPS ON 'FIGHTING FAIR' IN MONEY WARS

Dayana Yochim, author of "Couples & Cash — How to Handle Money With Your Honey" and a personal finance expert with the financial education company The Motley Fool of Alexandria, Va., has some tips for couples on "fighting fair" when it comes to money conflicts: