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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Sunday, July 8, 2007

Child-proof clothing essential ... for now

By Treena Shapiro
Advertiser Staff Writer

Soon after having my first child, I gave up on dangling earrings. Then I gave up necklaces and all other jewelry, except for a watch.

Soon it was the color white, followed by pastels.

I couldn't ever bring myself to give up on solid darks completely, because I'm never more comfortable than when I'm wearing a black T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans, even if they do have random kid stuff stained into them.

About the time that my son stopped feeling compelled to smudge every article of clothing I owned, along came kid No. 2, who has lightning-fast hands and a killer grip.

I swear, it's only a relatively high pain threshold that keeps me from chopping off my hair. She doesn't just go for the hair, though. Over the past few months, I've discovered several pieces of my wardrobe I would be better off storing away until they become retro and cool again, like:

  • Anything beaded or embellished. She likes to chew any shiny bits that catch her eye.

  • Anything with strings. I should have known without her ripping holes into my shirts or pulling out my drawstrings that dangling objects that can be tugged must be tugged.

  • Anything with a weave loose enough for her to wiggle her fingers into and pull. I kind of naturally gravitate toward shapeless clothing, but misshapen is something else entirely.

  • Anything with buttons. I usually notice when she tries to pull or bite off my buttons, but I'm not always immediately aware when they come undone while I'm carrying her around.

  • Anything different. If I try a ponytail, she pulls out the band. If I put on a bracelet, she steals it for her own arm. If I wear something pink, she insists I've stolen her clothes.

    If she's anything like her big brother, once she stops using me as her chew toy/towel, she'll also stop snuggling against me on a regular basis. It'll be sad, but it will give me the perfect excuse to cheer myself up with some retail therapy.

    Reach Treena Shapiro at tshapiro@honoluluadvertiser.com.