It will probably sound crazy, but I've concluded I'm an unhappy person.

Every day, at least once or twice, I'm angry about something, or grouchy or cranky.

It's like a dark cloud of bad weather following me, shooting out lightning bolts and claps of thunder. I've got so much repressed anger I could be a disorder.

Maybe I'm an old coot in the making. And you know, the thought of being an old coot, now that makes me angry.

At work I sometimes wear a hat that warns: "Do not agitate, Do not ask dopey questions, Do not expect happy responses."

Next to the warning is a mascot from the Happiest Place on Earth: that prickly ambassador of the seven dwarfs, Grumpy.

The more I think about it, the more I think my anger is out of control.

In my car, I find fault with other drivers. At work, I mutter about dumb decisions.

And when I'm at home, I criticize. The Little Darlings call me Mr. Grumpy Pants.

Is this the path to becoming an old coot?

None of it makes sense to me. The world is basically a nice place and the people in it smart, humane and caring. For the most part, anyway.

When I'm walking the dog before work, I'll wave good morning to people and they'll wave back, even smile.

How can that put anyone in a bad mood?

Naturally, being a man, I've looked for someone or something to blame.

Could be Mrs. G's fault, but she doesn't nag at me that much. Well, maybe a little. She says I need a chill pill.

I could blame my job, but that would be too easy. Or my car, another easy target.

I like to think I'm more complex than all that.

Anyway, I looked for solutions on the Internet and discovered "irritable male syndrome."

A Scottish scientist coined the term when he discovered that rams became cranky when their testosterone levels dropped.

These same changes in behavior were also found in red deer, reindeer, Indian elephants ... and husbands. I'm not making this up.

Apparently, after 40, slouching testosterone levels in men lead to decreased physical and mental functions. Oh yeah, and pot bellies, convertibles and affairs.

Doh! No wonder older men are cranky.

A U.S. psychotherapist interviewed 10,000 men and reached the same conclusion. He even developed a quiz.

And yeah, I took it.

"You may want to take the quiz again," the results read.

No, thank you.

I'm going to have a beer instead.

Reach Mike Gordon at mgordon@honoluluadvertiser.com.