Fifth-graders introducing the May Day court do it.

Politicians making election-night speeches do it.

Preachers start their Sunday sermons with it. Kama'aina business leaders in their $200 aloha shirts do it. Mufi Hannemann does it when he's in a good mood.

"Alooooooooha! Wow, everybody must be still sleeping out there. You folks can do better than THAT. Let's try it again. Aloooooooooha!"

The slightly insulting audience ice breaker used to be reserved for tourist shows and "puka-shell tour guides." When you went with your visiting Mainland cousins on the glass-bottom boat tour or to the Grandeur of Polynesia lounge experience, you'd get a taste of it and think, "Sheesh, kinda goofy, no?"

But then it spread like a rumor, crawling like a contact virus from hand to hand. Someone who took Uncle Tex to the fire-knife show heard it and used it when emceeing his buddy's wedding. Someone at the wedding picked it up and used it at a lunchtime speech for the Society of Professional Whatevers. Three people in that audience took the Repeat Aloha move to a birthday party, a memorial and an awards banquet and soon Double Alooooooooha became ubiquitous.

Maybe Clayton Hee can introduce a bill to reclaim the proper use of the word aloha.

Maybe Duke Aiona can start a task force to stop the flagrant overuse of the "second try" aloha — after all, it is a gateway to more serious breaches of cultural protocol.

Maybe a local hearing-aid distributor will pick up on the movement in its ads:

"Hear their aloha the first time — with Ear Eaze" or whatever.

How come no emcee in Hawai'i is ever satisfied with the first aloha?

How come no gathering, no matter how large and raucus, can ever punch it out of the park on the first try?

To get it right the first time, you have to be on your game before the sound guy turns on the host's mike. You gotta get all your buddies around you on board, practice a couple of times in the hall, make sure everybody is ready before the emcee steps to the podium and adjusts his mock orange and faux kukui nut lei and then belt out "Alooooha" with all the intensity of a Farrington High School pep rally "chee-hu!"

Enough already! Enough with insulting the mai tai-soaked tourists for not screaming back at the stage. Enough with putting kama'aina through the same tired, pejorative exercise. Enough with pretending you didn't hear or stalling for time. Aloha once and move on. Aloha without expectation. (Chee-hu at will).

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.