honoluluadvertiser.com

Sponsored by:

Comment, blog & share photos

Log in | Become a member
The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Ready to be new parents? Really?

By Mary Lou Aguirre
McClatchy Newspapers

Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser

It’s true... Having a baby changes everything.

Advertiser library photo

spacer spacer

Some newlywed couples I know are considering starting a family, which got me thinking about how I could help people make a rational decision on whether to become parents.

It really takes more consideration than many people give it. For crying out loud, give this life-altering choice as much attention as you would put into buying a new car. Parenting is forever. You don't lease children and then turn them in after you've put some miles on 'em.

So, here you go — 10 questions to answer before having a baby:

1. Can you abide living in a house that looks more like Babies "R" Us than the latest model home? It's not that the baby will make the mess, it's just that family and friends will have given you enough new baby clothes and accouterments to get you through the first five years. Stock up on night lights or you'll take a header stumbling over the baby carrier left on the floor.

2. Do you feel you have gotten enough rest so far? Have you stored up enough Zs to get through middle-of-the-night feedings or, down the line, waiting up for a teenager with a new driver's license?

3. Will you be able to give up your sporty, two-door sedan for something more practical and roomy? You'll need a metal box with wheels that can take exploding juice boxes, seats that can become a diaper-changing table when inconvenient or transportation to day-long soccer tournaments.

4. Do you like your in-laws? Nothing brings a family together like grandchildren. Expect your spouse's parents to want to drop in a lot more now that the sweetest-grandchild-ever-born is on the premises. Prepare for unsolicited advice on everything from the right temperature for a baby bottle to diaper rash to feeding schedules. Upside: The folks will beg for the opportunity to baby-sit.

5. How much money do you have? I'm not talking about what's under the sofa cushions. Are you responsible enough to know kids need to be clothed and fed? This may mean an adjustment from carefree spending on collectible baseball cards to saving for college. Get your priorities straight, man!

6. Do you take criticism well? Your spouse may have once viewed you as intelligent and level-headed, but the first time you make a bonehead move with baby — say, forget to put a hat on little Ashley when outdoors — your name will be mud. Couples who vowed to love and cherish each other will, at times, during the early months of parenthood, despise and deplore each other. Turns out patience is a virtue.

7. Do you like cold food? You may enjoy a piping hot plate of pasta with a nice bottle of red wine for dinner, but chances are the pasta will get cold and the wine warm once you add a child at the dinner table. Babies have a knack of waking up from a nap when parents are about to sit down for dinner. Prepare to eat in shifts, and really fast.

8. Could you go without sex if you had to? I'm not saying that all the passion you enjoyed as a couple will stop, but you will notice a work slowdown. Sleep becomes more desirable than desire.

9. Are you prepared to become a homebody? Abandon wild abandon. Those last-minute trips to the Coast will now require more planning with baby in tow. Will the hotel be baby-friendly? Can they provide a modern crib, not a lead-based painted crib from the 1940s? That once-leisurely ride to Pismo Beach can seem mighty long with a crying baby in the back seat. Expect to spend more time at home, where all your stuff for the baby is stored.

10. Got love? Real love for your spouse for the long haul? A child needs happy, loving parents. Don't have a baby just because it's fashionable. Think before you procreate.