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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Thursday, June 7, 2007

Getting children to behave properly

By Darlene Pang

Remember the last time you were standing in a grocery store line or enjoying a leisurely meal, only to have the peace and quiet disrupted by the screams or cries of a misbehaving child?

Here are a few tips on how to educate a child on the difference between good and bad manners:

Set an example. Remember that your actions speak loud than words. Children often learn from others, particularly those whom they spend a great deal of time with and look up to. They want to act like grownups and will follow your lead, if you set an example for them.

Prep your child. Even if you are just planning a brief visit at a friend's home or an evening out for dinner, spend time coaching the child on the type of behavior that you expect. Provide specific examples on when she must be on her best behavior and what you would expect the child to do. By practicing these behaviors in advance, the child will be aware of what the parent or guardian expects from her, and will likely feel more confident.

Reinforce any exhibition of good manners. If you catch the child demonstrating a particular social skill that you have been focusing on — whether it's something as small as sitting still through a meal or saying "Mrs." and "Mr." — make sure to commend him for it and encourage him to continue this behavior. Not only will this encourage your child to behave, but your child will be much more willing to follow your future instructions.

Don't put off correcting mistakes until later. This will only allow a child to think that he or she can "get away" with that type of conduct. The child will likely continue the behavior until a parent or guardian instructs the child to behave otherwise. If you need to correct your child's actions, take him or her aside and do it quietly and in private, without embarrassing or discouraging them. Always explain to them the type of manners you would like to see them exhibit, rather than telling them what you don't want them to do.

A child who remembers manners is not only a more pleasant child to be around but one who will be able to better interact and succeed in today's world.

This column is provided through the Hawai'i State Teachers Association. Darlene Pang is a mentor in the Hawai'i Department of Education's Windward District Office.