LEXINGTON, Ky. — You know the situation: that awkward moment when an oblivious parent stands by with a "kids-will-be-kids" look of resignation while the tiny terror:

A. Kicks the back of your seat at the movies.

B. Runs wild through your house, threatening the destruction of every fragile item in his wake.

C. Screams, interrupts, throws rocks at your cat and generally acts as if she's never heard "no."

D. Creates havoc through a great, maddening mishmash of all of the above.

In times like this, it's clear that where Mom and Dad see a little darling, you see a little devil. But what, if anything, can be done?

It's tricky.

Commenting on another's parenting skills — especially if the parent in question is a friend or relative — is a delicate matter, said Gary Hansen, a family sociologist at the University of Kentucky. First, most parents think they are doing the best they can to rear their children, so anything that smacks of the slightest criticism can be taken as a personal affront. Nothing is quite so touchy to a parent as how they care for their child.

At the same time, he said, "We also live in a culture that very much thinks how you raise your child is your own business."

Over the decades, the idea that parents can depend on the village to help them along has lost its punch, he said. Not only are communities more fractured, but the rules of appropriate behavior for children have been eased.

A couple of decades ago, he said, the accepted bounds of behavior were set, and people followed the same general rules. Well-bred children said "Yes, ma'am" and "No, sir." They didn't talk back to adults.

"Because I said so" from a parent was a good enough response in just about any situation. But as boomers had kids, he said, the overall approach to parenting began to change.

"We don't have those shared common values," he said. Now, "parents want to be involved with their kids almost as friends. Many parents view it as their job as a parent to make sure their kids are happy." And if banging their spoon on their sippy cup is what makes them happy, so be it.

' ... OR SANTA GETS IT'

But that attitude can make those around them less than amused. Comedian Adrianne Frost wrote a book highlighting the problem to its humorous extreme.

"I Hate Other People's Kids" is her response to kids "running willy-nilly all over the world." She said too many parents allow their kids to do whatever they please no matter where they are, no matter who else is annoyed by their behavior. When she was on a CNN talk show, she said, 64 percent of viewers agreed with her.

In dealing with bratty kids in public, she said, she has perfected a good stare and will assertively tell them to stop misbehaving. (And, she claims, she might throw in that if they don't shape up, something bad might happen to Santa.)

She also has been known to tell parents to get their kids to straighten up. Most of the time, she said, parents do just that; they are embarrassed that they've been confronted.

Frost said confronting parents works for her because "I'm not wimpy about it."

SEND FOR THE COPS

If you don't want to take that route, particularly when a child is behaving badly in a public venue such as a movie theater or mall, the University of Kentucky's Hansen said, you should inform someone in charge, a theater manager or mall security.

Lexington, Ky., mom Tera Gilbert and Richmond, Ky., mom Sarah Adkins suggest that people adjust their expectations to the event. For example, if you are at a children's museum or a concert aimed at toddlers, you shouldn't expect the same level of decorum as at a formal dinner.

Both said that as parents, they try to take their children only to activities that are age-appropriate. That helps reduce the stress for the kids, and by extension, for adults.

In private encounters, things get tougher.

It's difficult to know when to intervene with other people's kids, said Gilbert, a stay-at-home mother of two. She follows some guidelines. If a child is misbehaving or behaving in an unacceptable way, Gilbert first goes to the child's parent and asks him or her to take action.

She said it's a courtesy that she hopes other parents would afford her. If a child is doing something that poses an immediate danger — a toddler on the edge of a pool or getting ready to touch a hot stove — she'll redirect their attention, then tell the parent what she's done.

But, she said, "I've been pushed to the point where I've disciplined another mother's child." In that instance, a little boy kept hitting her daughter over the course of an all-day outing. She finally asked the mother to intervene. When the other mother responded with, "What do you want me to do?" Gilbert took action. It was a little awkward, she said, but when a child's safety or well-being is at stake, she thinks she has a responsibility to do something.

Still, she said, "I'm always worried I'm going to offend someone."

OSTRACIZE THE PARENTS

Adkins, who also has two kids, said she tends to be pretty firm in what she views as acceptable and unacceptable behavior. She'd "gently reprimand" a kid before going to a parent. But, she said, if she thought a child was really out of line, she'd get the other parent involved.

Still, from personal experience, she knows the strain a wild child can put on an adult relationship. She has distanced herself from a friend whom she thought routinely failed to control a child. After a few frustrating experiences, she stopped issuing invitations.

If you value the relationship, Hansen said, try to talk to the parent away from the tense situation in a nonconfrontational way.

Use "I" messages, such as "it bothers me when Clinton is so boisterous and seems to have a hard time calming down."

If that can start a conversation, the adults might be able to work it out. Sadly, Hansen said, if somebody's kids truly make you wacky, the adult relationship is likely to suffer.

"Sooner or later, you have to get to the point where you ask yourself: Is it worth it or not?"

Comedian-turned-author Adrianne Frost doesn't balk at pointing out what we all know, deep down inside: Many boomers are lousy parents.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

IF YOU CAN’T BEAT ’EM, JOIN ’EM

Comedian Adrianne Frost took her frustration with kids behaving badly and channeled it into a book, "I Hate Other People's Kids." Some suggestions for dealing with unruly tykes: