When there's a death, divorce or remarriage in the family, the holiday season is laden with change. Deeply imbedded traditions that once defined celebrations may, for some family members, be too painful to pursue or too ill-fitting to entertain.

The key to changing traditions in reconfigured families is to get everyone's input and then ease into the transition.

"When there's been a change in the family unit and the holidays are rolling around, one of the first things that pops into kids' minds is, 'How is this year going to be different?' " says Priscilla Singleton, a social worker, family therapist and director of the Center for Families in Transition at the Council for Relationships in Paoli, Pa.

Before making any changes, parents should consider which traditions are appropriate to keep, think about ones they can create and then talk with their children to get their input.

Avoid surprises. "By the time kids reach 7 or 8, parents should make sure they understand what traditions are going to stay the same and what's going to change," says David Mandelbaum, a Wilmington, Del., psychologist specializing in family issues. "If there's resistance to new ones, ease into it."

It's also a good idea to leave time for grief. Singleton notes that even when families try to prepare, they may find themselves hurting during the holidays.

"Don't expect things to run smoothly at the onset of new traditions," she says. "Older children, especially, may be slower to accept change and need time to grieve the loss of the once-intact family."

That goes for newly blended ones, too.

"If you're coming from a divorced or newly married situation, continue traditions that don't infringe on others and create new ones to bond the family together," advises Mandelbaum. "The stepparent and stepchild may even want to do something one on one, but take the child's lead in that."