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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Friday, October 12, 2007

Portrait of 'ohana

Photo galleryPhoto gallery: Ohana of the Year
Video: Kaneohe family named 'Ohana of the Year

By Zenaida Serrano
Advertiser Staff Writer

Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser

George and Irene Wong had to adjust their lifestyle when Irene's mother, 94-year-old Shizuko Nakama, came to live with them in Kane'ohe.

RICHARD AMBO | The Honolulu Advertiser

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A CELEBRATION

'Ohana of the Year, a lunch and award ceremony given by Child & Family Service

11:30 a.m.-1 p.m. Tuesday; registration begins 11 a.m.

Hilton Hawaiian Village

Tickets: $50 per person

To register or for details: 543-8449

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Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser

Jennifer Goldstein

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The Okinawan music coming from Shizuko Nakama's headphones was lively and upbeat, stirring the petite 94-year-old in her cozy armchair. Nakama nodded and waved her hands to the rhythm with a sweet smile.

Nakama's daughter and son-in-law, Irene and George Wong, watched her from across the living room, laughing and clapping along.

Last year, the Wongs asked Nakama to move from Kahului to their Kane'ohe home to better care for her. The new living arrangement meant the Wongs had to make some sacrifices — adjusting their daily routines to look after Nakama, giving their spacious first-floor master bedroom to her, and setting aside some of their favorite retirement pastimes, like traveling.

But the Wongs wouldn't have it any other way.

"I really feel blessed that I have her," said Irene Wong, 67, a retired pediatric nurse.

Child & Family Service named the Wongs and Nakama its 'Ohana of the Year, a designation that honors families who have shown great progress on the issues they face with help from the agency. The family, who topped six other nominees statewide, will be recognized at a luncheon Tuesday at the Hilton Hawaiian Village.

"Their story is important because it echoes the issues that many families are struggling with in our community," agency president and CEO Howard S. Garval said via e-mail. "Within the many cultural traditions of families on our Islands is a desire to help our elders live at home and as independently as possible."

But this value is often in conflict with the pressures of life today, Garval said.

"What people may not realize is (caregiving) is stressful," said Jennifer Goldstein, a social worker with the Child & Family Service Honolulu Gerontology program.

Overwhelmed at first by their new responsibilities, the Wongs turned to the CFS gerontology program for referrals to community resources to help with Nakama's care.

"They were so humble and so open to anything and everything," said Goldstein, who worked with the Wongs and nominated them for the award.

'SHE WAS DEPRESSED'

While still living in Kahului, Nakama had a fall that led to an overnight stay in the hospital. It was a turning point for the family.

Irene Wong, the oldest of Nakama's six children, immediately volunteered to care for Nakama full time. The Wongs, whose three children are grown and out of the house, welcomed Nakama in June of last year.

"When Mom first came, I felt at one point, 'Am I doing the right thing?' Because I took her away from her friends and her great-grandchildren, everyone she was used to on Maui," Irene said.

Nakama had lived on Maui for more than 70 years.

"She was depressed because she didn't have any friends, she didn't know all our neighbors and she was kind of confused," Irene said.

But Nakama wasn't the only one feeling the strain of the major move. Irene spent every waking moment caring for her mother, while George withdrew to his own activities. After a couple of months, the Wongs knew they needed help. That's when they contacted the CFS Honolulu Gerontology program.

Goldstein, their social worker, helped to create a care plan for Nakama. The family enrolled Nakama first in the CFS Health Maintenance program, which included fitness and social activities, then in an adult daycare program in Pearl City. Nakama has attended the daycare every weekday since February.

At home in Kane'ohe, Nakama gripped her walker and began shuffling through the hallway to her bedroom.

Irene patiently followed close behind, towering over her mother's barely 4 1/2-foot frame.

"Tell me if I'm going too fast," Nakama muttered in Japanese.

The benefits of a daily routine are evident in Nakama's sense of humor and playful demeanor.

"She's very positive now," Irene said. "That makes it easy for us (to care for her) because of her attitude."

On weekdays, Nakama rides the Handi-Van to and from daycare, where the activities include exercising, having lunch and doing arts-and-crafts projects. On Saturdays, the family attends church. Sundays are their free days — Nakama spends them crocheting, making beaded necklaces, listening to music or watching television.

One of the things Nakama likes most about her routine is the Handi-Van ride — taking in the scenic views and socializing with the drivers and passengers. "Bus riding No. 1," Nakama said with a throaty laugh.

"Now we can do things, too, and be free," said George, 70, a retired welder.

HAVING FUN ONCE AGAIN

The couple is once again enjoying their retirement diversions: Irene quilts, George does wood-turning, and both of them golf, among other hobbies.

The Wongs have even rekindled their couple time.

"One day, we were going out after Grandma left for daycare and (George) said, 'Wow, this is good. We're on a date,' " Irene recalled, smiling. ... "We're more relaxed, and we just enjoy taking care of her."

Ever humble, the Wongs are honored but insist they don't deserve Child & Family Service's 'Ohana of the Year award.

"It's just ordinary, you know, it's what is expected of us," Irene said. "We're doing what we're supposed to do ... taking care of our elders."

Reach Zenaida Serrano at zserrano@honoluluadvertiser.com.